mental health, podcast

6 Reasons Why It’s Important To Set Boundaries

Why it’s Important to Your Mental Well-Being

What is a Boundary?

A boundary is direct communication about what YOU need, what YOUR limits are, what your willing to do or not do, tells the other what you’re thinking or feeling, provides space between yourself and the other, and gives clear expectations.

We think people can read our minds. We think people should know how we are feeling or what we are thinking. We think people should know when we need help. We think people should know that thing they did was wrong. We think people should know when they hurt our feelings.

They don’t. Most of the time they are unaware. Or they feel so guilty they don’t want to face it.

Boundaries create safety for everyone involved. Boundaries are love for yourself. Boundaries are love for the other.

graphic showing importance of self love
Boundaries are Important for Self Love

Below are 6 Reasons Why it’s Important to Set Boundaries:

  1. Protects your emotional and physical energy: You can’t give to others if you haven’t given to yourself first, otherwise, it’s called judgement. Boundaries protects your precious emotional and physical energy. You then help from a place of love when you put yourself first before helping others.
  2. Avoids Future Conflicts and Resentment: Being direct with a simple statement about what you need or what your boundary is, helps the other person on the receiving end. Supports healthy communication.
  3. Allows you to define your emotional and physical space: This is a BIG one for me. I need lots of alone time. I need lots of space after working a full day in a mental health setting. I need quiet with little interruption. Everyone deserves peace. Telling others you need time alone is SUPER important to your well-being.
  4. Makes your Relationships Last Longer: Setting boundaries creates space for deeper connection. Boundaries tell your partner what you need instead of a guessing miscommunication game.
  5. Allows you to Practice Self-Respect: Most of us were not taught to set boundaries in childhood. Most of us were not taught it’s ok to say NO. Most of us were raised by broken or emotionally immature people. Boundaries tells our brain we are safe. Our brain needs this because it thinks we still need protection from childhood.
  6. Enables you to set reasonable consequences for violating your space: YOU define your own consequence. NO ONE gets a say so on the importance of your space. Not your mother. Not your father. Not your partner. Not your child. And certainly not society or your religious upbringing.
Infographic on why it's important to set boundaries
6 Reasons Why Boundaries Are Important

Reminder: Those who react the loudest to the boundary, is reinforcement the boundary was needed in the first place.


Check out my latest podcast episode where Belinda and I discuss importance of boundaries in toxic families:

Picture of Christine and Sofia
conversation

episode 32: the warrior (Teaching Yourself How to Parent with Belinda Tyner)

Picture of Christine and Sofia
Daughter Sofia and I figuring out this parent thing together

Summary

How do you teach yourself to parent when you were raised by a broken emotionally immature mother? Then throw in society’s illusion of motherhood where it is expected mothers are born nurturers who saves everyone with a unrealistic superwomen mentality. What happens to your self-esteem when your mother was none of these misguided societal illusions?  (hint: unworthiness)

In this episode I speak with Belinda Tyner, an Adult Geriatric Nurse Practitioner about her journey of becoming a warrior while teaching herself how to parent through the challenges of raising a child with ADHD. 

Topics Discussed

  • The illusions of motherhood
  • Teaching yourself how to parent 
  • Meeting your child’s needs where their at
  • Conditioning of the Superwoman Syndrome
  • Asking yourself “what do I need?”
  • Being raised by parents in survival mode
  • Importance of praising a child with ADHD during the good moments
  • Importance of ADHD diagnosis ASAP
  • Being tired of doing it all

ADHD and Parenting Resources: 

The Whole Brain Child BookLD@school National Institute of Mental Health

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world!

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

episode 2: the crumble

My former husband, my prom date
My prom date, my former husband

Summary

Coming out of quarantine only to realize my marriage was over. One of the most devastating parts of my journey.  

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world!

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

Chris Allen and Christine
black mental health, community, conversation, mental health, podcast

episode 31: the adversity (Healing Cycles of Abuse with Chris Allen)

Christine and Chris

Summary

What does the word adversity mean to you? Chris Allen is the definition of overcoming adversity. 

A powerful follow up conversation with my new friend Chris Allen. His honesty, vulnerability, transparency, and directness about his difficult childhood filled with abuse and chaos inspires me to be more vulnerable and transparent about my own story.

Chris and I tell discuss losing our virginity at a young age, Chris’s former approach to sex and intimacy before meeting his beautiful wife, and his father’s suspicious suicide. And the weird thing Chris and I have in common! Find out the ONE question Chris COULD NOT answer at the end.

Listen to our first conversation episode 28: the reframe

Topics discussed: 

  • Codependency
  • Perfectionism
  • PTSD
  • anxiety, imposter syndrome 
  • toxic friends

Chris Allen is the CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Father, Husband, and more!

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world! 

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

conversation, culture, divorce, mental health, podcast, self help

episode 29: the path (My Bold Conversation with The Path Podcast Host and Speaker-Coach Arlene Bolden-Korleh)

Summary

What if your path was planned since you were a little girl? What if you had a path of getting married, having children, a successful job, and living happily ever? What if your path changed without warning instantly crushing your hopes and dreams? 

My bold conversation with Arlene Bolden-Korleh about her unexpected journey of her path to divorce is honest, thoughtful, and enlightening.

Arlene’s podcast, The Path, eloquently describes itself as our “survival guide of BOLD sisters whose hopes & dreams takes a detour – forcing disappointments – to turning obstacles into opportunities.” Arlene turning her pain and disappointment into a passion to help other women is truly inspiring.

Arlene Bolden-Korleh is the creator and podcast host of The Path. Arlene is a Certified Speaker-Coach, and Consultant for the John Maxwell Team. She is a Motivator, Confidence Builder, The One Who Believes Purpose Is Bigger than obstacles!

Arlene’s Resources: 

Listen to Arlene’s podcast The Path here on Apple Podcast. The Path Podcast here on Buzzsprout. 

Listen to Arlene interview me about my coronavirus journey, my dysfunctional childhood, and how my racist alcoholic father impacted my own  path. Arlene asked me the uncomfortable questions this time. 

Connect with Arlene on Instagram | Twitter | FB

Email Arlene at thepath4ward@gmail.com if you have a BOLD story to tell on her podcast 

Christine’s Resources:  

Thank You to all the listeners for giving this podcast healing wings! I am forever grateful.

Connect with Christine onTwitter | Instagram | Blog | Facebook | Youtube 

Check out The Family Burritopodcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com/2022/03/30/episode-23-the-stigma-solutions-to-mental-health-stigma-in-the-black-community-a-panel-discussion/

how coronavirus saved my life episode 28 the reframe
black mental health, community, conversation, culture, mental health, Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus, Society

episode 28: the reframe (Conversation with CEO Chris Allen about his Journey of Reframing Society’s Conditioned View of Male Strength)

Summary

This episode left me speechless. It is not often I meet someone who’s childhood has similarities to mine. Much less someone who is as direct and transparent about the value of having a traumatic childhood , how reframing our conditioned perspective of our painful past is where your power lies and shows our true purpose.

My honest no-holds-barred conversation with Chris Allen, CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Athlete, Father, Husband, former prisoner turned Advocate, about his Journey of Reframing Conditioned Views of Male Strength is a game changer. How beautiful for two people who barely know one another to instantly trust & feel safe in sharing their dysfunctional childhood resulting in seeking love in toxic relationships, multiple sex partners, and choices altering our destiny forever. 

Society tells us that men should be “strong”, the head of the family, the one that we can lean on, the one who has all the answers, the one who won’t hurt you, the one who will rescue you. Then women, such as myself, become disappointed when men do not live up to this misguided societal conditioning.

The purpose of today’s episode is to start reframing our misguided conditioned beliefs about male strength.

Thank You Chris Allen for trusting the listeners with your story. Thank you for being honest about your own mistakes you made in past relationships. Thank you Chris for being vulnerable. You are a role model in male vulnerability. 

Chris Allen is a role model in Male Vulnerability. Male Vulnerability is the VERY definition of Male Strength.

Thank You to all the listeners for giving this podcast healing wings! I am forever grateful. 

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Facebook | Youtube 

Check out The Family Burrito podcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie  — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message


Check out episode 27: the bully with Blogger Cherie White

https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/episodes/episode-27-the-bully-Conversation-with-Advocate-for-Bullied-Children–Author-and-Blogger-Cherie-White-e1hie5v

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast Episode 23: the stigma
black mental health, community, culture, experts, mental health, podcast, self help, Society, Stigma, therapist, therapy

episode 23: the stigma (Solutions to Mental Health Stigma in the Black Community: A Panel Discussion)

Summary

Mental Health experts and advocates discuss solutions to mental health stigma in the black community

Meet the Panel: 

Adris  Moffett,LCSW-S “Your Classy Therapist”

Danny  Ross, LPC-S, Author, Public Speaker, Specialized Research Therapy in African-American Families, podcast host 

Jarred Denzel, Mental Health Advocate who’s goal is to normalize mental health and end the stigma

Christine Zethraus, Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and Podcast Host

Topics Discussed: 

  • Why each panel member was drawn to mental health
  • Why normalizing mental health in the black community is important 
  • Why black men have avoidant attachment style in relationships 
  • How the black community reacts to suicide 
  • Ways to decrease judgement and shame when discussing suicide 
  • Listening without responding 
  • Creating safe space when discussing emotions 
  • Normalizing depression discussion
  • Church being a solution to reducing mental health stigma 
  • How living with your family doesn’t mean you’re a family 

This episode is sponsored by Anchor. It’s the easiest way to make a podcast

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast here 

Check out The Family Burrito Podcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie here

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of the How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast.  — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast
podcast, self help, Society

episode 22: the mania (Conversation with Melissa Llarena About What It’s Like Being Raised By A Mother With Severe Bipolar Disorder)

Summary

In this episode….

Melissa Llarena and I have a powerful conversation about her childhood. Quite frankly, I am still wrapping my mind around what it was like for Melissa as a little girl being raised by a Mother who has Bipolar Disorder. Melissa eloquently paints the picture of herself as a little girl who’s mother was frequently hospitalized, off her meds, manic, grandiose, and unstable. A little girl who was shuffled around, raising herself, constant chaos, and a foundation created with uncertainty and danger. I am honored Melissa Llarena trusted my listeners and myself for giving her a safe space to speak her childhood truth. 

Personal Note: 

Dear Melissa, 

I am so proud of you for the bravery of sharing your story. This IS YOUR Geraldo Rivera moment. Little Melissa is worthy of feeling safe in her/your truth. You inspire me in unimaginable ways! Thank you. I am humbled. Keeping speaking YOUR truth. You deserve it…. and so does the world. Go Cycle

Melissa Llarena’s Bio:

Melissa is a business mentor, career coach, Forbes contributor, and greatest cheerleader to fellow mompreneurs. She is the creator and host of ``An Interview with Melissa Llarena”which is a podcast for super curious humans who desire to learn from humans who courageously and creatively went after their curiosities, and made an impact, so they can too.

Melissa Llarena Resources: 

Check out Career Outcomes Matter here.

Listen and Download Melissa Llarena’s podcast -An Interview With Melissa Llarena–here.

Melissa’s Instagram here

Sign up NOW for Melissa’s Courage Makerspace Playbook here (An amazing resource!)

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Christine’s Resources:

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Follow How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast onTwitter

Follow How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast onInstagram

Follow How Coronavirus Saved My LifeBlog

This episode sponsored by Anchor:

http://anchor.fm

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

A picture of me and my beloved friend Anthony
conversation, Gay, HIV, podcast, self help, Society

episode 18: the survival (Conversation with my friend Anthony about his Experience as a Gay Man with HIV)

Summary

Show Notes: 

In this episode, Christine has a conversation with her best friend Anthony about his Experience as a Gay Man with HIV

Christine and Anthony discuss the following:

  • Debate the term promiscuous
  • Tell the story how they met
  • Compare and contrast their childhood
  • Anthony’s Italian Conservative family
  • Money trauma in childhood
  • Using money to avoid difficult emotions
  • Anthony’s powerful moment with his bio father
  • Anthony not knowing any gay people till 18 years old
  • Anthony knowing he was gay since 12
  • His first gay experience
  • How is family reacted when came out
  • Creating his own version of a gay man
  • Speaking our truth
  • Sep 11
  • Anthony’s HIV diagnosis & powerful moment with his dr
  • Madonna advocating for safe sex
  • His family’s reaction to his diagnosis

Resources for HIV education and facts:

https://www.hiv.gov/

Christine’s Podcast:

How Coronavirus Saved My Life on 9 podcast platforms

Follow How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast on Twitter

Follow How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast on Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/howcoronavirussavedmylife/

Follow How Coronavirus Saved My Life Blog

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com

This episode sponsored by Anchor:

https://anchor.fm/

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast. — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

A picture of a page in my family's genealogy book showing enslaved people they owned
Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus, Society

How Embracing the Ugly Side of Your Family’s History is Healing

Why It’s Important to Yourself and the World

Part Two:

What does the word Embrace mean to you? I looked up the definition of “Embrace” after a dear friend encouraged me to Embrace my family’s ugly history of owning enslaved men, women, children, and families. How in the world do you embrace something like this? And why?

Spotlighting injustice is my life’s theme. I have always been one to fight for the underdog, vulnerable populations, sidelined groups, and the mistreated.
Perhaps this stems from being raised by parents who were cruel at times, emotional abusive, and created a foundation of uncertainty. I was the underdog. I was the mistreated. I was the vulnerable.

My ancestors were part of something horrific, something that is the complete opposite of my soul which has been a devastating discovery for me. But why? And is it really devastating? Or am I creating an unfounded belief from my childhood programming that it was my fault?

A picture of a page in my family's genealogy book showing enslaved people they owned
A page from my family’s genealogy book with enslaved people my family owned

According to Meriam-Webster Dictionary.com, Embrace as a verb means “to put one’s arms around and press tightly”, “to surround”, or “to take for one’s own use”. As I am reading the definitions of Embrace—I see the word assimilate. Just as my friend told me he’s had to do his whole life as a black man—Assimilate.

At any moment we can choose a different emotion, a different perspective, a different realization. There are many truths to many things we don’t understand. Sometimes we will never get the clarity or understanding to situations which cause us great pain.

I will never obtain the clarity and understanding from this ugly side of my family’s history. I only cause myself more pain by trying to fill in the answers over and over again. The answers will not be good enough anyway. So what do you do?

Only You create the clarity & understanding for Yourself

Now I create my own clarity and understanding by defining Embrace as surrender and acceptance.


I Embrace–surrender and accept– this ugly side of my family’s history because I am healing this “ancestorial curse” as my insightful friend calls it. I choose to embrace my family’s history because I cannot change the past. I choose to embrace my family’s history because fighting against it only hurts myself and my own healing.

I am on the Beautiful Healing side of my Family’s History.

I Embrace this.

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast
Listen to episode 4: the childhood
to find out more about my abusive racist upbringing