mental health, podcast

My Story of Being Raised by a Narcissistic Mother & Alcoholic Father:

How I Learned to Stop Believing My Story and Started Living Mine

We all have a story. An untrue story we’ve been telling ourselves since childhood—an inaccurate story created by the broken people who raised us. Our Parents.

A Narcissistic Mother and an Alcoholic, Racist Father built my story.

These two broken people created my childhood story filled with chaos, toxicity, no accountability, emotional abuse, manipulation, and reckless behaviors.

My childhood story was built on a toxic illusion created by two broken people–My Parents. 

My narcissistic mother, who was emotionally abusive and manipulative and constantly demanded I prove my love to her, built half my story.

My alcoholic racist father, who was chaotic and unpredictable, put me in unsafe situations and who was consistently inconsistent, created the other half.

My childhood story, created by my toxic parents, was a story built on unworthiness, chaos, confusion, and uncertainty which led me to toxic cycles of behaviors, thought patterns, low self-esteem, and not showing up for myself.

A story I did not know at the time was untrue.

A story I believed for years. 

My Emotionally Immature Parents with no Awareness

My parents had ZERO awareness. Their world was wrapped up in selfishness and trying to meet their needs through toxic, repeated behaviors and cycles.

My home lacked unconditional love, connection, empathy, and compassion because these broken people created my home.

As you can imagine, this story didn’t allow me to believe I had value or worthiness. It didn’t allow me to believe I deserved anything better than what I got from this childhood story. It didn’t allow me to believe I could do anything different than the broken model shown to me.

My story is not unique but common among many children raised by narcissists and alcoholics. Narcissistic parents break their children down until they depend entirely on them for everything: food, warmth, and clothing. The child becomes an extension of the narcissist; they do whatever they say without question because they want to please them so badly. They don’t realize they are losing their identity in this process because they are too young to understand what is happening in their lives.

How my Story Shifted

How could I heal this broken story? How could I rewrite this narrative? How could I change the ending? How could I rewrite my childhood story?

How did my untrue story shift?

My untrue story shifted in my backyard when I had Coronavirus. This false story turned when I thought I was going to die. 

A pivotal moment in my backyard-when I thought I would die from the acute Coronavirus symptoms in April of 2020- was the beginning of questioning that BROKEN story—my childhood story, which those broken people built.

I was short of breath. I couldn’t breathe. My brain told me to call 911, or I would die.

But, I paused and listened to MY GUT.

My gut told me if I called 911, I would die because I would believe it.

Several minutes later, I was ok. How is this possible? 

The beginning of questioning that false childhood story started with my own false belief instantly changing.

This moment of thinking I would die was the beginning of my new story and shift. A shift into a new story I would create on MY TERMS.

A story and belief I was worthy of.

A story of worthiness we all deserve.

Awareness is the Key

The first step to healing my childhood story was awareness.

I had to learn that my story was not true because there were too many inconsistencies in it and it didn’t fit anymore with who I was becoming now in this moment.

I had to teach myself awareness of being in the moment and conscious of my thoughts and behaviors. Awareness is a skill every single person has.

I read the life-changing book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza, who is a neuroscientist, Researcher of epigenetics and quantum physics. In Joe Dispenza’s book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, he says that 90% of the thoughts we think are the same thoughts we thought the day before, the day before that, and the day before that one. 

This was my aha moment, as I’d never heard of this before. So, I decided to test this by observing my thoughts. And guess what? Dr. Dispenza was right. It was true.

Teaching myself awareness

Observation skills are fundamental in getting to know yourself and your thoughts. 

When we can look at situations in new and different ways, it enables us to make necessary changes.

I’ve had to teach myself awareness by observing my thought process. 

Observing my thoughts helped me evaluate how I think, behave, and eventually react to every problem I encounter daily.

Observing your thoughts and emotions helps create your new story. 

Observing your thoughts and emotions may not come easily or naturally because our minds are used to the same old beliefs and feelings we’ve had forever.

I started by observing my thoughts and reactions and then writing these down. I would ask myself, “Is this thought true? What is your evidence? What is my limiting belief?”. 

Questioning this story, these beliefs created by those broken people, was my game changer. Questioning these untrue beliefs created my new story of worthiness, strength, and how I viewed myself. 

Our thoughts hold the key to that untrue story, but our awareness has power then our questions change that story. 

So, what is your story? And is YOUR Story true?

2022 alcoholism black history month boundaries bullies burnout Childhood chronicpain chronic pain conversation coronavirus embrace evidence based family Father healing healthcare human design journal journey longcovid meditation Mental Health mindbodyconnection mother motherhood narcissist nursepractitioner nursing parenting Podcast polyvagaltheory psychology racism recovery science selfcare selfhelp selflove Spirituality therapy trauma Universe vagusnerve worthiness

Christine's High School Graduation picture
mental health, mental health, self help

What It’s Like Being Raised by a Narcissistic Mother: Part Two

Why Discovering my Inner Worthiness was Crucial to my Healing

What is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone who has a grandiose sense of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. Oftentimes they can be controlling, manipulative and demanding. They also lack conscience and guilt which makes it very easy for them to hurt others without feeling remorseful or guilty about what they have done or said to harm another person.

Now imagine this person is your Mother.

A picture of Christine with her father
(7TH GRADE) My Father picking me up from my Mom’s after she kicked me out of the house.

The Effects of a Narcissistic Mother

The effects of being raised by a narcissistic mother are profound.

Growing up with a narcissistic mother made it very difficult for me to trust anyone, especially men, I never knew if they would hurt me or not. I was constantly looking at every aspect of their behavior trying to determine if they were good or bad people so that way I could protect myself from further harm but this became exhausting after a while because there was no way I could.

Not to mention the constant need for external validation. 

A young Christine
A young me at the beginning of a life full of manipulation and gaslighting.

Abnormal Parenting

It wasn’t until years later that I realized this kind of parenting wasn’t normal; it wasn’t how other moms treated their kids.  It didn’t seem strange at the time because I had no point of reference; my mother was just “the way she was.”

But when you grow up with a narcissistic parent, it can be extremely confusing and painful — especially when you don’t even know that your parent has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  

It took me years to realize that there was something wrong with this situation; it wasn’t just me making things up in my head or overreacting to things that weren’t really happening at all…it was My Narcissistic Mother. 

She is the person who will remind you of your mistakes and shortcomings every chance she gets. She will create stories that portray you as a terrible person, a burden on society, and a waste of space. She will make sure everyone knows you are a disappointment, especially if they have something she wants or needs from them.

Meet Your Narcissistic Mother

She has no empathy for others; in fact, she feels superior to most people in her life. She cannot feel remorse over anything she has done wrong or hurtful things she has said. She expects everyone to meet her high expectations without question, but never does anything herself because it is beneath her.

Your Narcissistic Mother does not like anything about you; everything that makes up who you are is wrong in her eyes.

Being raised by a narcissistic mother is a form of emotional abuse that can have a devastating effect on the child’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Narcissistic mothers are often very good at creating an illusion of being wonderful parents. They are often charming, charismatic and superficially seem to be loving and attentive. The reality is that they lack empathy for their children and only care about their own needs, feelings and desires. HELLO GUILT TRIPS!

Stay Tuned for Part Three of What It’s Like Being Raised by a Narcissistic Mother. *HINT: EXHAUSTING

I’ll provide examples galore of her subtle manipulation.

My hope is for others to heal by sharing my story. You deserve peace. You are worthy.

mental health

What It’s Like Being Raised by a Narcissistic Mother: Part One

Why Discovering my Inner Worthiness was Crucial to my Healing

Society’s Mother Conditioning

Society tells us that Mothers are kind, supportive, and your biggest cheerleader. Society tells us Mothers are warm, make chocolate chip cookies, listen without judgment, and push you to be your best. 

My mother was the exact opposite. 

Society tells us Narcissists are men who drive Corvettes, born with a silver spoon, arrogant and void of emotions. Society never mentions women as Narcissists. Society certainly never mentions Mothers—”your biggest cheerleader”—-as Narcissists.

I am a Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. I diagnose and treat people with Psychiatric Disorders. I diagnose personality disorders as well. I have been in the profession of Mental Health for over 15 years. 

I am considered a Mental Health “expert”.

Even I did not know my Mother had Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Childhood Confusion

Being a child raised by a Mother who was abusive, jealous, in competition with me, who punished me emotionally for questioning her behaviors and constantly vilifying me for my childhood “mistakes” was confusing. 

Confusing to my inner worthiness

My Mother’s Narcissistic traits were subtle. Subtle when you compare her to my father, who was a racist, vulgar, alcoholic. 

So, it was difficult for me—a child—to describe exactly why she was awful. Difficult to understand why my Mother, who society deems as a martyr, your best friend, your biggest support–disliked me. And the odd and confusing feeling of having nothing in common with your mother.

So what does a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother do? She expresses her hurt, confusion, and lack of worthiness through her behaviors.

My 16th Birthday
My 16th Birthday pretending everything was Ok when it was not
Turning 16 feeling lost and confused

Teenage Years

My teenage years were one of rebellion, promiscuity, and illicit drug experimentation. My teenage rebellion was anything but subtle.

My behaviors screamed and spotlighted the abuse I was suffering. My lack of not giving a shit, invisibility, and no direction was a mirror to my homelife.

A mirror to my lack of worthiness

You see, when you are raised by a Narcissistic Mother you constantly question yourself, question your reality, question your judgement, question your truth, and most importantly—your worthiness.  

Below are examples of my Narcissistic Mother’s traits and abusive behaviors: 

  1. Selfish 
  2. Sibling Triangulation
  3. Gaslighting 
  4. No Boundaries
  5. Pitting me against my father
  6. Disrespectful
  7. Lies
  8. Love Bombing
  9. Disregard
  10. Secret Keeper (not)
  11. Manipulation
  12. Conditional Love
  13. Destroying my Reputation 
  14. Fantasy Land 
  15. Pretending to be Vulnerable 
  16. Gossiping 
  17. Purposely Provoking 
  18. Thriving off Chaos 
  19. Abandoning during crisis 
  20. Minimal Affection 

Check out my podcast episode discovering my mother is a narcissist.

My hope is for others to heal by hearing my story. You are not alone.

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast

Stay tuned for Part Two of my journey.

2022 alcoholism black history month boundaries bullies burnout Childhood chronicpain chronic pain conversation coronavirus embrace evidence based family Father healing healthcare human design journal journey longcovid meditation Mental Health mindbodyconnection mother motherhood narcissist nursepractitioner nursing parenting Podcast polyvagaltheory psychology racism recovery science selfcare selfhelp selflove Spirituality therapy trauma Universe vagusnerve worthiness