A picture of Christine and her Father
mental health, podcast, self help

episode 40: the injustice (How My Father’s Racism Impacted My Childhood)

Christine and her father
A Young Christine with her Father

Summary

Hearing the N-Word my entire life was a trauma for me. Witnessing injustice frequently impacted my childhood. Injustice was a trauma for me. 

Today’s episode is about my experience with being raised by a Racist White Alcoholic Father. 

How my Father not only said the N-Word but would describe a group of people as subhuman.  Connecting the dots with how my father became racist and how his racism has led to my soul’s calling. 

How my racist grandmother would not let me swim with black people. 

Why I have always been drawn to other cultures. 

And the surprising time I felt love and safety for the first time at 14 years old. 

Thank you for listening. My hope is for others to find ways to heal through my journey. 

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Connect with Christine for Mental Health Discussions and Tools for Recovery:

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com

 Twitter | Instagram | website | Youtube | FB 


Check out Christine’s other podcast with her sister The Family Burrito

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast

Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message



2022 alcoholism black history month boundaries bullies burnout Childhood chronicpain chronic pain conversation coronavirus embrace evidence based family Father healing healthcare human design journal journey longcovid meditation Mental Health mindbodyconnection mother motherhood narcissist nursepractitioner nursing parenting Podcast polyvagaltheory psychology racism recovery science selfcare selfhelp selflove Spirituality therapy trauma Universe vagusnerve worthiness

Christine
mental health, podcast

My Story of Being Raised by a Narcissistic Mother & Alcoholic Father:

How I Learned to Stop Believing My Story and Started Living Mine




We all have a story. An untrue story we’ve been telling ourselves since childhood—an inaccurate story created by the broken people who raised us. Our Parents.

A Narcissistic Mother and an Alcoholic, Racist Father built my story.

These two broken people created my childhood story filled with chaos, toxicity, no accountability, emotional abuse, manipulation, and reckless behaviors.

My childhood story was built on a toxic illusion created by two broken people–My Parents. 

My narcissistic mother, who was emotionally abusive and manipulative and constantly demanded I prove my love to her, built half my story.

My alcoholic racist father, who was chaotic and unpredictable, put me in unsafe situations and who was consistently inconsistent, created the other half.

My childhood story, created by my toxic parents, was a story built on unworthiness, chaos, confusion, and uncertainty which led me to toxic cycles of behaviors, thought patterns, low self-esteem, and not showing up for myself.

A story I did not know at the time was untrue.

A story I believed for years. 

My Emotionally Immature Parents with no Awareness

My parents had ZERO awareness. Their world was wrapped up in selfishness and trying to meet their needs through toxic, repeated behaviors and cycles.

My home lacked unconditional love, connection, empathy, and compassion because these broken people created my home.

As you can imagine, this story didn’t allow me to believe I had value or worthiness. It didn’t allow me to believe I deserved anything better than what I got from this childhood story. It didn’t allow me to believe I could do anything different than the broken model shown to me.

My story is not unique but common among many children raised by narcissists and alcoholics. Narcissistic parents break their children down until they depend entirely on them for everything: food, warmth, and clothing. The child becomes an extension of the narcissist; they do whatever they say without question because they want to please them so badly. They don’t realize they are losing their identity in this process because they are too young to understand what is happening in their lives.


How my Story Shifted

How could I heal this broken story? How could I rewrite this narrative? How could I change the ending? How could I rewrite my childhood story?

How did my untrue story shift?

My untrue story shifted in my backyard when I had Coronavirus. This false story turned when I thought I was going to die. 

A pivotal moment in my backyard-when I thought I would die from the acute Coronavirus symptoms in April of 2020- was the beginning of questioning that BROKEN story—my childhood story, which those broken people built.

I was short of breath. I couldn’t breathe. My brain told me to call 911, or I would die.

But, I paused and listened to MY GUT.

My gut told me if I called 911, I would die because I would believe it.

Several minutes later, I was ok. How is this possible? 

The beginning of questioning that false childhood story started with my own false belief instantly changing.

This moment of thinking I would die was the beginning of my new story and shift. A shift into a new story I would create on MY TERMS.

A story and belief I was worthy of.

A story of worthiness we all deserve.

Awareness is the Key

The first step to healing my childhood story was awareness.

I had to learn that my story was not true because there were too many inconsistencies in it and it didn’t fit anymore with who I was becoming now in this moment.

I had to teach myself awareness of being in the moment and conscious of my thoughts and behaviors. Awareness is a skill every single person has.

I read the life-changing book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza, who is a neuroscientist, Researcher of epigenetics and quantum physics. In Joe Dispenza’s book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, he says that 90% of the thoughts we think are the same thoughts we thought the day before, the day before that, and the day before that one. 

This was my aha moment, as I’d never heard of this before. So, I decided to test this by observing my thoughts. And guess what? Dr. Dispenza was right. It was true.

Teaching myself awareness

Observation skills are fundamental in getting to know yourself and your thoughts. 

When we can look at situations in new and different ways, it enables us to make necessary changes.

I’ve had to teach myself awareness by observing my thought process. 

Observing my thoughts helped me evaluate how I think, behave, and eventually react to every problem I encounter daily.

Observing your thoughts and emotions helps create your new story. 

Observing your thoughts and emotions may not come easily or naturally because our minds are used to the same old beliefs and feelings we’ve had forever.

I started by observing my thoughts and reactions and then writing these down. I would ask myself, “Is this thought true? What is your evidence? What is my limiting belief?”. 

Questioning this story, these beliefs created by those broken people, was my game changer. Questioning these untrue beliefs created my new story of worthiness, strength, and how I viewed myself. 

Our thoughts hold the key to that untrue story, but our awareness has power then our questions change that story. 

So, what is your story? And is YOUR Story true?


2022 alcoholism black history month boundaries bullies burnout Childhood chronicpain chronic pain conversation coronavirus embrace evidence based family Father healing healthcare human design journal journey longcovid meditation Mental Health mindbodyconnection mother motherhood narcissist nursepractitioner nursing parenting Podcast polyvagaltheory psychology racism recovery science selfcare selfhelp selflove Spirituality therapy trauma Universe vagusnerve worthiness

Christine's alcoholic father
mental health, podcast

episode 38: the memory (How My Dad’s Alcoholism Impacted My Childhood Memories)

Christine's alcoholic father
The Memory of My Father Drinking Forever Stuck in my Mind (A 12-year old me beside him)

Summary

What do we do when a painful childhood memory comes up? Do we ignore the painful memory? Do we stuff the painful memory down with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, overworking, toxic relationships, starving ourselves, people pleasing, and saving others? What do we do if multiple painful childhood memories flood in at once? 

This episode was inspired by my client who didn’t want to remember her painful childhood. Little did I know a flood of childhood memories would happen after our encounter.  Memories of my father always using alcohol, drugs, weed, cigarettes, etc. Memories of him giving me alcohol when I was 3 years old. Memories of my father teaching me to cope with stress with any substance you can get your hands on–every single night. 

I recorded this episode as I was sifting through these memories. My goal is to help others shift through their painful memories as well. These memories are coming up for a reason. I am grateful for my painful memories coming to the surface because I NOW have the choice of what to do with them.  

Connect with Christine for Mental Health Discussions and Tools for Recovery:

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com

 Twitter | Instagram | website | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s other podcast with her sister The Family Burrito

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Jack Perkins Profile Picture
mental health, podcast

episode 37, part two: the gift (How Spirituality Plays a Positive Role in Mental Health Recovery with Dr. Jack Perkins)

Jack Perkins Profile Picture
Dr. Jack Perkins

Summary

Welcome back to episode 37, part TWO! Dr. Perkins and I continue our conversation about the importance of Spirituality in Mental Health recovery. 

Jack Perkins is a licensed professional counselor and the founder of Psuche Education Counseling & Coaching Services. He has a heart to help others discover the secret to living a fulfilled life by integrating their spirituality into every area of their lives. He’s seen first hand how the integration of spirituality into healthcare is important in the recovery process.

Topics Discussed:

  • Why integrating spirituality into healthcare is important
  • Why people turned to prayer after Sept 11
  • Spirituality gives people hope and helps them cope with depression
  • Why Christine went into nursing
  • World Health Organization states spirituality is a pillar of healthcare
  • Low Percentage of doctors assessing spirituality with patients
  • Importance of spirituality assessment in healthcare
  • Providers need to assess their spiritual health first
  • Provider bias with patients’ religions and spiritual beliefs
  • Jack’s touching story of helping grieving parents whose baby just died

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Connect with Christine for Mental Health Discussions and Tools for Recovery:

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com

 Twitter | Instagram | website | Youtube | FB 


Check out Christine’s other podcast with her sister The Family Burrito

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Jack Perkins Profile Picture
mental health, podcast

episode 37, part one: the gift (How Spirituality Plays a Positive Role in Mental Health Recovery with Dr. Jack Perkins)

Jack Perkins Profile Picture

Dr. Jack Perkins, Founder of Psuche Education, Counseling & Coaching Services in Fort Gibson, Oklahoma

Summary

What is YOUR definition of Spirituality?

In this episode (part one), Dr. Jack Perkins and I talk about the power of Spirituality. The power of finding meaning in our childhood suffering.

Dr. Perkins tells his personal story of suffering first. His story of childhood suffering touched me deeply. I know it will touch you deeply as well. 

My guest today is Dr. Jack Perkins. Jack is the founder of Psuche Education, Counseling & Coaching Services in Fort Gibson, Oklahoma. Jack is an ordained minister, conference speaker,  licensed counselor, certified life coach, and sexual addiction counselor.

Spirituality has been a huge part of my inner & outer healing. 

Spirituality has been a huge part of my Long-COVID healing. Spirituality has deepened my connection with my friends and family, and my connection with clients. Spirituality led me to discover my inner worthiness and love for myself I was never taught in childhood. 

Evidence-based research shows integrating spirituality decreases anxiety and depression symptoms. Neuroscientific research shows the practice of mindfulness, the brain’s cortex literally grows, with an increase in grey matter and more gyrification (Spencer, 2012). 

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com

Connect with Christine:

 Twitter | Instagram | website | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s other podcast with her sister The Family Burrito

Resources:

Integrating Spirituality Into Recovery Requires Ethical Approach

What is Spirituality? A Personal Exploration by Dr. Maya Spencer

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

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How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast Cover
mental health, podcast

episode 36: the story (Our Childhood Story Created By Broken People)

Listen to episode 36 below


Summary

What is your Story? What Story have you been telling yourself since childhood? What is the constant story running in your head?

Today’s episode is about My Story. The Story I’ve been telling myself since childhood. A story built by broken people AKA my Parents. 

The purpose of today’s episode is to help Empower You to create a new story.

I share techniques that work for me. You deserve to feel good in your story.

I first began observing my thoughts and emotions. “What am I feeling?”  Then ask yourself where does this feeling come from? Is it real? Is it based on fact? Is it based on a memory or an emotion from childhood? Is this a belief? What is the evidence that supports this belief? Are there any other points of view that might support this belief? What would someone who loves me say about this belief? Would they agree with me or disagree with me? What can I do today to support myself in making changes toward becoming healthier emotionally and spiritually? 

Listen to episode 36: the story for more healing techniques. 

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I dedicate this episode to my friend & fellow podcaster Willie Porter

Willie asked me a question no one ever asked me in childhood.

“When was the last time you took a break?” was the question. 

Thank you Willie for being a great friend & supporter. 

Check out Willie’s podcast he makes with his Wife 

Check out Willie Podcast Below:

Connect with Christine:

 Twitter | Instagram | website | Youtube | FB 


Check out Christine’s other podcast with her sister The Family Burrito



Resources: 

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza


Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast

Continue reading “episode 36: the story (Our Childhood Story Created By Broken People)”
how coronavirus saved my life podcast cover
Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

“That Makes Me Want To Cry”

Teaching Yourself How To Parent | episode 32 | the warrior

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast Cover
By: Christine Zethraus, PMHNP-BC

My friend Belinda choosing Mental Health as an additional career to help her community and culture is beautiful.

Check out podcast episode 32. We speak OUR truth about broken mothers impacting our parenting and worthiness.

Watch FULL Video Here

Listen to Full Episode Here

Youtube Short Below:

Christine and Belinda

A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer; its sings because it has a song.

Maya Angelou
Continue reading ““That Makes Me Want To Cry””
black mental health, community, conversation, culture, mental health, mental health, nursing, podcast, self help, Society

The Revealing Reasons Why I Am Grateful My Dad Was A Racist 

Why Witnessing Injustice on a Daily Basis was Necessary for My Purpose and Calling

By: Christine Zethraus, PMHNP-BC

A picture of Christine with her father
Christine (7th grade) and Charlie (Dad).
He picked me up in Fort Worth, TX after my mother kicked me out.
I was on my way to Georgia to live with him for a year.

Boy oh Boy…what a year that was!

Growing Up….

Growing up and being raised partly by a loud, obnoxious, alcoholic, drug fueled, racist father was draining. I am a lover by nature so having a parent who was the extreme opposite of myself was challenging to say the least. My father and I were polar opposites in our approach to life. He was harsh, crass, vulgar, and forceful. I am pensive, reflective, laid back, and try to see things from many perspectives. 

I ask a lot of questions. I crave truth and seek the other side of the story. My father made a lot of assumptions about others. And built his stubborn house there. 

Beginning of My Gratitude for my Racist Father…

Now, don’t get me wrong. I can be loud, relentless, in your face, challenging, and forceful when it comes to unfair treatment of others. This is where my gratitude for my racist father begins. He taught me sometimes IT IS necessary to get loud when you are fighting for what you believe in. It is necessary to be vocally forceful. Sometimes your approach is needs to be challenging and drain others I suppose.

Unfortunately, I can also have these same qualities when I feel personally betrayed in romantic relationships…ugh.

That story for another time. (hint: daddy issues)

Hearing the N-Word was Essential in my Childhood…

Hearing my Father say the N-Word constantly was absolutely necessary to my upbringing. Watching my father scream racist remarks to folks minding their own business driving by was imperative. Observing violence and constantly feeling fear in my Father’s presence was essential to my childhood. Being afraid of the person, parent, father figure, family member who looked like me was fundamental. 

My Purpose in this Life…

Why in the world would I ever say such a thing? Why would I say my Father’s violent behaviors and racist mindset were an essential part of my childhood? 

Because………

I would never have cared about any other issues outside of my own race, culture, economic status, education, and upbringing had I not experienced my racist Father’s wrath of misguided hate towards others. Along with his misguided hate towards me at times. Being front lines to daily injustice shaped who I am. Shaped my mission in this world.

I had to physically feel injustice. I had to emotionally feel injustice. I had to intellectually feel injustice. I had to encompass the enormity of all sides of to care, ask questions, reflect about the Injustices of different races, cultures, economic statuses, education and healthcare disparities. I HAD to experience, witness, feel the hate and fear of it all in order for ME to see the multiple sides of the injustice coin. 

And now……

I find solutions by seeking other’s truth, ask questions, and do my best to see it all from many perspectives.  

Check out my youtube Channel Below:

Healing Cycles of Abuse | Episode 31 | the adversity

Thank you to all my listeners, readers who are making the bold decision to heal! Healing truly is a choice. A choice you deserve.

The other side of that mountain of fear is waiting for your authentic self & your authentic happiness you are so worthy of.

-Christine Zethraus, Mental Health NP
Chris Allen and Christine
black mental health, community, conversation, mental health, podcast

episode 31: the adversity (Healing Cycles of Abuse with Chris Allen)

Christine and Chris

Summary

What does the word adversity mean to you? Chris Allen is the definition of overcoming adversity. 

A powerful follow up conversation with my new friend Chris Allen. His honesty, vulnerability, transparency, and directness about his difficult childhood filled with abuse and chaos inspires me to be more vulnerable and transparent about my own story.

Chris and I tell discuss losing our virginity at a young age, Chris’s former approach to sex and intimacy before meeting his beautiful wife, and his father’s suspicious suicide. And the weird thing Chris and I have in common! Find out the ONE question Chris COULD NOT answer at the end.

Listen to our first conversation episode 28: the reframe

Topics discussed: 

  • Codependency
  • Perfectionism
  • PTSD
  • anxiety, imposter syndrome 
  • toxic friends

Chris Allen is the CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Father, Husband, and more!

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world! 

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

how coronavirus saved my life episode 28 the reframe
black mental health, community, conversation, culture, mental health, Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus, Society

episode 28: the reframe (Conversation with CEO Chris Allen about his Journey of Reframing Society’s Conditioned View of Male Strength)

Summary

This episode left me speechless. It is not often I meet someone who’s childhood has similarities to mine. Much less someone who is as direct and transparent about the value of having a traumatic childhood , how reframing our conditioned perspective of our painful past is where your power lies and shows our true purpose.

My honest no-holds-barred conversation with Chris Allen, CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Athlete, Father, Husband, former prisoner turned Advocate, about his Journey of Reframing Conditioned Views of Male Strength is a game changer. How beautiful for two people who barely know one another to instantly trust & feel safe in sharing their dysfunctional childhood resulting in seeking love in toxic relationships, multiple sex partners, and choices altering our destiny forever. 

Society tells us that men should be “strong”, the head of the family, the one that we can lean on, the one who has all the answers, the one who won’t hurt you, the one who will rescue you. Then women, such as myself, become disappointed when men do not live up to this misguided societal conditioning.

The purpose of today’s episode is to start reframing our misguided conditioned beliefs about male strength.

Thank You Chris Allen for trusting the listeners with your story. Thank you for being honest about your own mistakes you made in past relationships. Thank you Chris for being vulnerable. You are a role model in male vulnerability. 

Chris Allen is a role model in Male Vulnerability. Male Vulnerability is the VERY definition of Male Strength.

Thank You to all the listeners for giving this podcast healing wings! I am forever grateful. 

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Facebook | Youtube 

Check out The Family Burrito podcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie  — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message


Check out episode 27: the bully with Blogger Cherie White

https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/episodes/episode-27-the-bully-Conversation-with-Advocate-for-Bullied-Children–Author-and-Blogger-Cherie-White-e1hie5v