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The Revealing Reasons Why I Am Grateful My Dad Was A Racist 

Why Witnessing Injustice on a Daily Basis was Necessary for My Purpose and Calling

By: Christine Zethraus, PMHNP-BC

A picture of Christine with her father
Christine (7th grade) and Charlie (Dad).
He picked me up in Fort Worth, TX after my mother kicked me out.
I was on my way to Georgia to live with him for a year.

Boy oh Boy…what a year that was!

Growing Up….

Growing up and being raised partly by a loud, obnoxious, alcoholic, drug fueled, racist father was draining. I am a lover by nature so having a parent who was the extreme opposite of myself was challenging to say the least. My father and I were polar opposites in our approach to life. He was harsh, crass, vulgar, and forceful. I am pensive, reflective, laid back, and try to see things from many perspectives. 

I ask a lot of questions. I crave truth and seek the other side of the story. My father made a lot of assumptions about others. And built his stubborn house there. 

Beginning of My Gratitude for my Racist Father…

Now, don’t get me wrong. I can be loud, relentless, in your face, challenging, and forceful when it comes to unfair treatment of others. This is where my gratitude for my racist father begins. He taught me sometimes IT IS necessary to get loud when you are fighting for what you believe in. It is necessary to be vocally forceful. Sometimes your approach is needs to be challenging and drain others I suppose.

Unfortunately, I can also have these same qualities when I feel personally betrayed in romantic relationships…ugh.

That story for another time. (hint: daddy issues)

Hearing the N-Word was Essential in my Childhood…

Hearing my Father say the N-Word constantly was absolutely necessary to my upbringing. Watching my father scream racist remarks to folks minding their own business driving by was imperative. Observing violence and constantly feeling fear in my Father’s presence was essential to my childhood. Being afraid of the person, parent, father figure, family member who looked like me was fundamental. 

My Purpose in this Life…

Why in the world would I ever say such a thing? Why would I say my Father’s violent behaviors and racist mindset were an essential part of my childhood? 


I would never have cared about any other issues outside of my own race, culture, economic status, education, and upbringing had I not experienced my racist Father’s wrath of misguided hate towards others. Along with his misguided hate towards me at times. Being front lines to daily injustice shaped who I am. Shaped my mission in this world.

I had to physically feel injustice. I had to emotionally feel injustice. I had to intellectually feel injustice. I had to encompass the enormity of all sides of to care, ask questions, reflect about the Injustices of different races, cultures, economic statuses, education and healthcare disparities. I HAD to experience, witness, feel the hate and fear of it all in order for ME to see the multiple sides of the injustice coin. 

And now……

I find solutions by seeking other’s truth, ask questions, and do my best to see it all from many perspectives.  

Check out my youtube Channel Below:

Healing Cycles of Abuse | Episode 31 | the adversity

Thank you to all my listeners, readers who are making the bold decision to heal! Healing truly is a choice. A choice you deserve.

The other side of that mountain of fear is waiting for your authentic self & your authentic happiness you are so worthy of.

-Christine Zethraus, Mental Health NP
Chris Allen and Christine
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episode 31: the adversity (Healing Cycles of Abuse with Chris Allen)

Christine and Chris


What does the word adversity mean to you? Chris Allen is the definition of overcoming adversity. 

A powerful follow up conversation with my new friend Chris Allen. His honesty, vulnerability, transparency, and directness about his difficult childhood filled with abuse and chaos inspires me to be more vulnerable and transparent about my own story.

Chris and I tell discuss losing our virginity at a young age, Chris’s former approach to sex and intimacy before meeting his beautiful wife, and his father’s suspicious suicide. And the weird thing Chris and I have in common! Find out the ONE question Chris COULD NOT answer at the end.

Listen to our first conversation episode 28: the reframe

Topics discussed: 

  • Codependency
  • Perfectionism
  • PTSD
  • anxiety, imposter syndrome 
  • toxic friends

Chris Allen is the CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Father, Husband, and more!

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world! 

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message:


how coronavirus saved my life episode 28 the reframe
black mental health, community, conversation, culture, mental health, Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus, Society

episode 28: the reframe (Conversation with CEO Chris Allen about his Journey of Reframing Society’s Conditioned View of Male Strength)


This episode left me speechless. It is not often I meet someone who’s childhood has similarities to mine. Much less someone who is as direct and transparent about the value of having a traumatic childhood , how reframing our conditioned perspective of our painful past is where your power lies and shows our true purpose.

My honest no-holds-barred conversation with Chris Allen, CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Athlete, Father, Husband, former prisoner turned Advocate, about his Journey of Reframing Conditioned Views of Male Strength is a game changer. How beautiful for two people who barely know one another to instantly trust & feel safe in sharing their dysfunctional childhood resulting in seeking love in toxic relationships, multiple sex partners, and choices altering our destiny forever. 

Society tells us that men should be “strong”, the head of the family, the one that we can lean on, the one who has all the answers, the one who won’t hurt you, the one who will rescue you. Then women, such as myself, become disappointed when men do not live up to this misguided societal conditioning.

The purpose of today’s episode is to start reframing our misguided conditioned beliefs about male strength.

Thank You Chris Allen for trusting the listeners with your story. Thank you for being honest about your own mistakes you made in past relationships. Thank you Chris for being vulnerable. You are a role model in male vulnerability. 

Chris Allen is a role model in Male Vulnerability. Male Vulnerability is the VERY definition of Male Strength.

Thank You to all the listeners for giving this podcast healing wings! I am forever grateful. 

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Facebook | Youtube 

Check out The Family Burrito podcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie  — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. — Send in a voice message:

Check out episode 27: the bully with Blogger Cherie White–Author-and-Blogger-Cherie-White-e1hie5v

community, forgiveness, mental health, Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

7 Ways to Choose Forgiveness

Why Deciding to Forgive is a Choice You Won’t Regret

7 Easy Ways to Choose Forgiveness

Waiting for that apology…

Waiting for that apology or “thing” you believe you need before you can forgive and finally move forward is giving up your control. I waited years for my mother to apologize for her emotional abuse and manipulation. Shocker! She did apologize after my brother died…only to begin her abuse again a few years later. Choosing to forgive is about YOU. The likelihood of that “perfect” moment you can forgive you have in your mind will never happen. Even if it did, you’ll still feel incomplete.

Questioning the Incomplete Feeling after an Apology

Why would I feel Incomplete after an Apology?

Because no matter how someone explains it, it still hurts. It still does not quite feel right. It still does not justify it. It is simply an external validation giving a false belief to the hurt. A temporary moment that leaves you questioning why you still feel awful, why didn’t the pain go away, or maybe I am a terrible overly sensitive person who just can’t get it together.

Here is My List of 7 Ways I Choose Forgiveness:

1. Write a Letter to Yourself or the Person

Writing a letter to the person you need to forgive is super therapeutic. You don’t need to mail it either. Don’t know where to start? Make a list of the feelings you need to release towards the person then reframe the sentence as “I forgive you Dad for not being emotionally available to me or my needs as a child”. 

2. Create Your Own Closure

Closure is Letting Go. Closure is Moving Forward. Talk to trusted people and process how you feel. Walk with it and have gratitude for how the situation made you stronger or more connected to others. 

3. Find the Meaning

Was there a lesson somewhere? Did the situation lead you to something greater? Ask the Universe to show you the meaning if you’re not sure. 

My own personal meaning for my dysfunctional childhood it to help others heal

4. See a Different Viewpoint 

We make assumptions that we have all the facts. When 99% of the time we actually don’t. People who hurt us are people who are hurting themselves. 

5. Forgiveness is Yours, not theirs

 Your choice to forgive someone has nothing to do with that person. In fact, it’s none of their business. Unless you choose to make it so.

6. Become Curious

Becoming curious about why someone would hurt you help take the emotion out of it. Look at the person’s life and how they possibly ended up where they are Or why they did the hurtful thing they did.

 7. Release the “Thing”

Release and accept the thing that you are wanting or feel you need in order to forgive—Will never happen perfectly. Sometimes I write a release mantra and say it out loud several times. It’s pretty powerful. 

With all this being said….are YOU ready to CHOOSE Forgiveness?

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episode 27: the bully (Conversation with Advocate for Bullied Children, Author and Blogger Cherie White)


This week I had a conversation with my new friend, blogger and author Cherie White, who is an Advocate for Bullied Children and Teenagers. Cherie’s personal childhood story of being bullied for 6 years after moving to a small town in Tennessee is heartbreakingly powerful. From a slow progression to constant violence. Her mission now is “Exposing Bullies and Liberating Targets to Make The World a Safer Place for All“. I learned so much about the intimation tactics of bullies. The non-verbal communication tactics of bullies blew my mind! Taking her power back has led to her mission and purpose. Just WOW!

Follow and connect with Cherie’s BLOG |

Cherie’s Books | From Victim to Victor Memoir | Townies, Cronies and Hayseeds |Kids Under the Latch Key | The Vow of Chastity Baker

Cherie’s Topics Discussed: 

Thank you to all my listeners! My little podcast I made to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world! Big hugs!

Christine’s Resources:

Please Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast: How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter| Instagram

How Coronavirus Saved My Life Blog

Email me at:

The Family Burrito Podcast here

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. — Send in a voice message: