Melissa Llarena and I have a powerful conversation about her childhood. Quite frankly, I am still wrapping my mind around what it was like for Melissa as a little girl being raised by a Mother who has Bipolar Disorder. Melissa eloquently paints the picture of herself as a little girl who’s mother was frequently hospitalized, off her meds, manic, grandiose, and unstable. A little girl who was shuffled around, raising herself, constant chaos, and a foundation created with uncertainty and danger. I am honored Melissa Llarena trusted my listeners and myself for giving her a safe space to speak her childhood truth.
I am so proud of you for the bravery of sharing your story. This IS YOUR Geraldo Rivera moment. Little Melissa is worthy of feeling safe in her/your truth. You inspire me in unimaginable ways! Thank you. I am humbled. Keeping speaking YOUR truth. You deserve it…. and so does the world. Go Cycle
Melissa Llarena’s Bio:
Melissa is a business mentor, career coach, Forbes contributor, and greatest cheerleader to fellow mompreneurs. She is the creator and host of ``An Interview with Melissa Llarena”which is a podcast for super curious humans who desire to learn from humans who courageously and creatively went after their curiosities, and made an impact, so they can too.
(Conversation with Human Design Expert and Coach Marielle Honse)
Listen to my latest episode on how Human Design changed my life!
episode 21: the design (Conversation with Human Design Expert and Coach Marielle Honse)
After I emerged from quarantine in April 2020 I was a different person. My brain was different, my soul was different, & the things that spoke to my heart were different. I could no longer go back to the person I was before. The person I was before was constantly frustrated, unhappy without knowing why, and living in a world of pressure and dissatisfaction.
As I journeyed through my spiritual transformation, I came across Human Design. The more I read and learned about my own Human Design, the more I was fascinated. Human Design (HD) has helped me understand my gifts & talents, how to use frustration as my superpower, why I had a traumatic childhood.
Today I brought my friend and Human Design Coach and Reader Marielle to discuss what exactly is Human Design and how this can transform your life as well.
episode 21 topics:
Human Design Coach Marielle gives background about herself, how she found HD, and why it resonated with her
Marielle explains Human Design two ways
Marielle explains who developed and discovered HD
Energy Types (Generators, Manifestors, MGs, Projectors, and Reflectors)
What does the word Embrace mean to you? I looked up the definition of “Embrace” after a dear friend encouraged me to Embrace my family’s ugly history of owning enslaved men, women, children, and families. How in the world do you embrace something like this? And why?
Spotlighting injustice is my life’s theme. I have always been one to fight for the underdog, vulnerable populations, sidelined groups, and the mistreated. Perhaps this stems from being raised by parents who were cruel at times, emotional abusive, and created a foundation of uncertainty. I was the underdog. I was the mistreated. I was the vulnerable.
According to Meriam-Webster Dictionary.com, Embrace as a verb means “to put one’s arms around and press tightly”, “to surround”, or “to take for one’s own use”. As I am reading the definitions of Embrace—I see the word assimilate. Just as my friend told me he’s had to do his whole life as a black man—Assimilate.
At any moment we can choose a different emotion, a different perspective, a different realization. There are many truths to many things we don’t understand. Sometimes we will never get the clarity or understanding to situations which cause us great pain.
I will never obtain the clarity and understanding from this ugly side of my family’s history. I only cause myself more pain by trying to fill in the answers over and over again. The answers will not be good enough anyway. So what do you do?
Only You create the clarity & understanding for Yourself
Now I create my own clarity and understanding by defining Embrace as surrender and acceptance.
I Embrace–surrender and accept– this ugly side of my family’s history because I am healing this “ancestorial curse” as my insightful friend calls it. I choose to embrace my family’s history because I cannot change the past. I choose to embrace my family’s history because fighting against it only hurts myself and my own healing.
A year ago today, March 01, 2021, my Father died. The Father who exposed me to violence, hatred,racism, chaos, distorted boundaries, and my main example of a Man, died year ago today.
Prior to his death, I had made amends with him, began to unwind his conditioning, and began to see him from a different perspective. I was able to ask him questions from a purely inquisitive state, not from a emotionally wounded child one.
After his death, I found our family’s genealogy book in a box of his. The genealogy book starts in the 1800s. I did not recognize any of the names nor had heard of any of my ancestors listed. I was surprised to discover we came from Louisiana, Alabama, Virginia, and South Carolina.
As I skimmed through this genealogy book, I became horrified. I found an itemized inventory and appraisement of my family’s property such as farm equipment, combs, farm animals, dishes, wagons, etc. Then last on the property lists were the enslaved people my family owned. I placed it back in the box for a year. Until now.
I decided to read my family’s genealogy book again, this time with an open inquisitive mind. This was extremely difficult as one of the enslaved children my ancestors owned had the same name as my daughter for the price of $200. I was horrified again.
Until someone gave me a different perspective.
I am so fortunate to have people in my life who create a safe space for me to ask uncomfortable questions and allow me to discuss topics which may be uncomfortable for them. During a phone call with my close friend, who is an African-American male from the East Coast, I expressed my horror, shock, and disgust about my family’s genealogy book listing the enslaved people they owned. I expressed the need to write about my feelings as a therapeutic release. I was highly emotional and ready to write a blog full of upsetting expression.
My sweet friend’s response to my highly charged emotions and my desire to write an emotional piece on my family owning enslaved people was almost just as shocking as my family’s genealogy book.
His response was….
Excuse me?Embrace the fact my family owned wives, fathers, children, mothers, daughter, sons all while calling the women wenches? Excuse me! Embraceit? No! Never was my immediate response.
However, I calmed down and listened to my trusted friend. A friend who grew up in tough places for a black man on the East Coast where he had to assimilate and codeswitch depending on the environment. A man who is now a leader in educating young adults in the Diversity and Inclusion World. I knew if HE was telling me to embrace the ugly side of my family’s history then this a powerful moment where I can use my voice to help others do the same.
But I didn’t just change my mind instantly. I needed to really figure out what the word “Embrace” meant to me and how choosing this way of looking at my family enslaving people did not include agreeing with it.