Watch the response of Belinda’s Mother after expressing how her Mother’s abandonment impacted her childhood. Belinda’s response back to her Mother’s disappointing reaction is not to be missed! Bravo Belinda!
Summary Hearing the N-Word my entire life was a trauma for me. Witnessing injustice frequently impacted my childhood. Injustice was a trauma for me. Today’s episode is about my experience with being raised by a Racist White Alcoholic Father. How my Father not only said the N-Word but would describe a group of people as subhuman.…
How I Learned to Stop Believing My Story and Started Living Mine We all have a story. An untrue story we’ve been telling ourselves since childhood—an inaccurate story created by the broken people who raised us. Our Parents. A Narcissistic Mother and an Alcoholic, Racist Father built my story. These two broken people created my…
Summary This Episode is about JOURNALING and GRATITUDE – How Journaling has helped me understand myself. When you start your day by Writing 5 Things you are Grateful for, YOU start with Love for Yourself. Starting off with Gratitude releases Oxytocin, the Love Hormone, LOVE FOR YOURSELF. Listen as I am shifting through my past…
Why Witnessing Injustice on a Daily Basis was Necessary for My Purpose and Calling
By: Christine Zethraus, PMHNP-BC
Growing up and being raised partly by a loud, obnoxious, alcoholic, drug fueled, racist father was draining. I am a lover by nature so having a parent who was the extreme opposite of myself was challenging to say the least. My father and I were polar opposites in our approach to life. He was harsh, crass, vulgar, and forceful. I am pensive, reflective, laid back, and try to see things from many perspectives.
I ask a lot of questions. I crave truth and seek the other side of the story. My father made a lot of assumptions about others. And built his stubborn house there.
Beginning of My Gratitude for my Racist Father…
Now, don’t get me wrong. I can be loud, relentless, in your face, challenging, and forceful when it comes to unfair treatment of others. This is where my gratitude for my racist father begins. He taught me sometimes IT IS necessary to get loud when you are fighting for what you believe in. It is necessary to be vocally forceful. Sometimes your approach is needs to be challenging and drain others I suppose.
Unfortunately, I can also have these same qualities when I feel personally betrayed in romantic relationships…ugh.
That story for another time. (hint: daddy issues)
Hearing the N-Word was Essential in my Childhood…
Hearing my Father say the N-Word constantly was absolutely necessary to my upbringing. Watching my father scream racist remarks to folks minding their own business driving by was imperative. Observing violence and constantly feeling fear in my Father’s presence was essential to my childhood. Being afraid of the person, parent, father figure, family member who looked like me was fundamental.
My Purpose in this Life…
Why in the world would I ever say such a thing? Why would I say my Father’s violent behaviors and racist mindset were an essential part of my childhood?
I would never have cared about any other issues outside of my own race, culture, economic status, education, and upbringing had I not experienced my racist Father’s wrath of misguided hate towards others. Along with his misguided hate towards me at times. Being front lines to daily injustice shaped who I am. Shaped my mission in this world.
I had to physically feel injustice. I had to emotionally feel injustice. I had to intellectually feel injustice. I had to encompass the enormity of all sides of to care, ask questions, reflect about the Injustices of different races, cultures, economic statuses, education and healthcare disparities. I HAD to experience, witness, feel the hate and fear of it all in order for ME to see the multiple sides of the injustice coin.
I find solutions by seeking other’s truth, ask questions, and do my best to see it all from many perspectives.
A boundary is direct communication about what YOU need, what YOUR limits are, what your willing to do or not do, tells the other what you’re thinking or feeling, provides space between yourself and the other, and gives clear expectations.
We think people can read our minds. We think people should know how we are feeling or what we are thinking. We think people should know when we need help. We think people should know that thing they did was wrong. We think people should know when they hurt our feelings.
They don’t. Most of the time they are unaware. Or they feel so guilty they don’t want to face it.
Boundaries create safety for everyone involved. Boundaries are love for yourself. Boundaries are love for the other.
Below are 6 Reasons Why it’s Important to Set Boundaries:
Protects your emotional and physical energy: You can’t give to others if you haven’t given to yourself first, otherwise, it’s called judgement. Boundaries protects your precious emotional and physical energy. You then help from a place of love when you put yourself first before helping others.
Avoids Future Conflicts and Resentment: Being direct with a simple statement about what you need or what your boundary is, helps the other person on the receiving end. Supports healthy communication.
Allows you to define your emotional and physical space: This is a BIG one for me. I need lots of alone time. I need lots of space after working a full day in a mental health setting. I need quiet with little interruption. Everyone deserves peace. Telling others you need time alone is SUPER important to your well-being.
Makes your Relationships Last Longer: Setting boundaries creates space for deeper connection. Boundaries tell your partner what you need instead of a guessing miscommunication game.
Allows you to Practice Self-Respect: Most of us were not taught to set boundaries in childhood. Most of us were not taught it’s ok to say NO. Most of us were raised by broken or emotionally immature people. Boundaries tells our brain we are safe. Our brain needs this because it thinks we still need protection from childhood.
Enables you to set reasonable consequences for violating your space: YOU define your own consequence. NO ONE gets a say so on the importance of your space. Not your mother. Not your father. Not your partner. Not your child. And certainly not society or your religious upbringing.
Reminder: Those who react the loudest to the boundary, is reinforcement the boundary was needed in the first place.
Check out my latest podcast episode where Belinda and I discuss importance of boundaries in toxic families:
How do you teach yourself to parent when you were raised by a broken emotionally immature mother? Then throw in society’s illusion of motherhood where it is expected mothers are born nurturers who saves everyone with a unrealistic superwomen mentality. What happens to your self-esteem when your mother was none of these misguided societal illusions? (hint: unworthiness)
In this episode I speak with Belinda Tyner, an Adult Geriatric Nurse Practitioner about her journey of becoming a warrior while teaching herself how to parent through the challenges of raising a child with ADHD.
The illusions of motherhood
Teaching yourself how to parent
Meeting your child’s needs where their at
Conditioning of the Superwoman Syndrome
Asking yourself “what do I need?”
Being raised by parents in survival mode
Importance of praising a child with ADHD during the good moments
What does the word adversity mean to you? Chris Allen is the definition of overcoming adversity.
A powerful follow up conversation with my new friend Chris Allen. His honesty, vulnerability, transparency, and directness about his difficult childhood filled with abuse and chaos inspires me to be more vulnerable and transparent about my own story.
Chris and I tell discuss losing our virginity at a young age, Chris’s former approach to sex and intimacy before meeting his beautiful wife, and his father’s suspicious suicide. And the weird thing Chris and I have in common! Find out the ONE question Chris COULD NOT answer at the end.
What if your path was planned since you were a little girl? What if you had a path of getting married, having children, a successful job, and living happily ever? What if your path changed without warning instantly crushing your hopes and dreams?
My bold conversation with Arlene Bolden-Korleh about her unexpected journey of her path to divorce is honest, thoughtful, and enlightening.
Arlene’s podcast, The Path, eloquently describes itself as our “survival guide of BOLD sisters whose hopes & dreams takes a detour – forcing disappointments – to turning obstacles into opportunities.” Arlene turning her pain and disappointment into a passion to help other women is truly inspiring.
Arlene Bolden-Korleh is the creator and podcast host of The Path. Arlene is a Certified Speaker-Coach, and Consultant for the John Maxwell Team. She is a Motivator, Confidence Builder, The One Who Believes Purpose Is Bigger than obstacles!
This episode left me speechless. It is not often I meet someone who’s childhood has similarities to mine. Much less someone who is as direct and transparent about the value of having a traumatic childhood , how reframing our conditioned perspective of our painful past is where your power lies and shows our true purpose.
My honest no-holds-barred conversation with Chris Allen, CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Athlete, Father, Husband, former prisoner turned Advocate, about his Journey of Reframing Conditioned Views of Male Strength is a game changer. How beautiful for two people who barely know one another to instantly trust & feel safe in sharing their dysfunctional childhood resulting in seeking love in toxic relationships, multiple sex partners, and choices altering our destiny forever.
Society tells us that men should be “strong”, the head of the family, the one that we can lean on, the one who has all the answers, the one who won’t hurt you, the one who will rescue you. Then women, such as myself, become disappointed when men do not live up to this misguided societal conditioning.
The purpose of today’s episode is to start reframing our misguided conditioned beliefs about male strength.
Thank You Chris Allen for trusting the listeners with your story. Thank you for being honest about your own mistakes you made in past relationships. Thank you Chris for being vulnerable. You are a role model in male vulnerability.
Chris Allen is a role model in Male Vulnerability. Male Vulnerability is the VERY definition of Male Strength.