Why Deciding to Forgive is a Choice You Won’t Regret
Waiting for that apology…
Waiting for that apology or “thing” you believe you need before you can forgive and finally move forward is giving up your control. I waited years for my mother to apologize for her emotional abuse and manipulation. Shocker! She did apologize after my brother died…only to begin her abuse again a few years later. Choosing to forgive is about YOU. The likelihood of that “perfect” moment you can forgive you have in your mind will never happen. Even if it did, you’ll still feel incomplete.
Why would I feel Incomplete after an Apology?
Because no matter how someone explains it, it still hurts. It still does not quite feel right. It still does not justify it. It is simply an external validation giving a false belief to the hurt. A temporary moment that leaves you questioning why you still feel awful, why didn’t the pain go away, or maybe I am a terrible overly sensitive person who just can’t get it together.
Here is My List of 7 Ways I Choose Forgiveness:
1. Write a Letter to Yourself or the Person
Writing a letter to the person you need to forgive is super therapeutic. You don’t need to mail it either. Don’t know where to start? Make a list of the feelings you need to release towards the person then reframe the sentence as “I forgive you Dad for not being emotionally available to me or my needs as a child”.
2. Create Your Own Closure
Closure is Letting Go. Closure is Moving Forward. Talk to trusted people and process how you feel. Walk with it and have gratitude for how the situation made you stronger or more connected to others.
3. Find the Meaning
Was there a lesson somewhere? Did the situation lead you to something greater? Ask the Universe to show you the meaning if you’re not sure.
My own personal meaning for my dysfunctional childhood it to help others heal
4. See a Different Viewpoint
We make assumptions that we have all the facts. When 99% of the time we actually don’t. People who hurt us are people who are hurting themselves.
5. Forgiveness is Yours, not theirs
Your choice to forgive someone has nothing to do with that person. In fact, it’s none of their business. Unless you choose to make it so.
6. Become Curious
Becoming curious about why someone would hurt you help take the emotion out of it. Look at the person’s life and how they possibly ended up where they are Or why they did the hurtful thing they did.
7. Release the “Thing”
Release and accept the thing that you are wanting or feel you need in order to forgive—Will never happen perfectly. Sometimes I write a release mantra and say it out loud several times. It’s pretty powerful.
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