Do you have Chronic Pain? Ready for Pain Recovery? This episode is for YOU!
We have a special guest today—Dr. Les Aria, a Pain Psychologist & Co-founder of Menda.Health, who specializes in helping people recover from chronic pain. Today, he’ll explain what polyvagal theory is and how it can help you feel safe when you’re dealing with chronic pain.
This week’s episode, Part TWO, on polyvagal theory and its application to chronic pain therapy. Polyvagal theory is the science of feeling safe, and it’s based on decades of research by Dr. Stephen Porges, who pioneered research into the autonomic nervous system and its relationship with emotions.
Society tells us that Mothers are kind, supportive, and your biggest cheerleader. Society tells us Mothers are warm, make chocolate chip cookies, listen without judgment, and push you to be your best.
My mother was the exact opposite.
Society tells us Narcissists are men who drive Corvettes, born with a silver spoon, arrogant and void of emotions. Society never mentions women as Narcissists. Society certainly never mentions Mothers—”your biggest cheerleader”—-as Narcissists.
I am a Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. I diagnose and treat people with Psychiatric Disorders. I diagnose personality disorders as well. I have been in the profession of Mental Health for over 15 years.
I am considered a Mental Health “expert”.
Even I did not know my Mother had Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Childhood Confusion
Being a child raised by a Mother who was abusive, jealous, in competition with me, who punished me emotionally for questioning her behaviors and constantly vilifying me for my childhood “mistakes” was confusing.
Confusing to my inner worthiness.
My Mother’s Narcissistic traits were subtle. Subtle when you compare her to my father, who was a racist, vulgar, alcoholic.
So, it was difficult for me—a child—to describe exactly why she was awful. Difficult to understand why my Mother, who society deems as a martyr, your best friend, your biggest support–disliked me. And the odd and confusing feeling of having nothing in common with your mother.
So what does a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother do? She expresses her hurt, confusion, and lack of worthiness through her behaviors.
My 16th Birthday pretending everything was Ok when it was notTurning 16 feeling lost and confused
Teenage Years
My teenage years were one of rebellion, promiscuity, and illicit drug experimentation. My teenage rebellion was anything but subtle.
My behaviors screamed and spotlighted the abuse I was suffering. My lack of not giving a shit, invisibility, and no direction was a mirror to my homelife.
A mirror to my lack of worthiness.
You see, when you are raised by a Narcissistic Mother you constantly question yourself, question your reality, question your judgement, question your truth, and most importantly—your worthiness.
Below are examples of my Narcissistic Mother’s traits and abusive behaviors:
Selfish
Sibling Triangulation
Gaslighting
No Boundaries
Pitting me against my father
Disrespectful
Lies
Love Bombing
Disregard
Secret Keeper (not)
Manipulation
Conditional Love
Destroying my Reputation
Fantasy Land
Pretending to be Vulnerable
Gossiping
Purposely Provoking
Thriving off Chaos
Abandoning during crisis
Minimal Affection
Check out my podcast episode discovering my mother is a narcissist.
My hope is for others to heal by hearing my story. You are not alone.
Do you have Chronic Pain? Ready for Pain Recovery? This episode is for YOU!
We have a special guest today—Dr. Les Aria, a Pain Psychologist & Co-founder of Menda.Health, who specializes in helping people recover from chronic pain. Today, he’ll explain what polyvagal theory is and how it can help you feel safe when you’re dealing with chronic pain.
This week’s episode, Part TWO, on polyvagal theory and its application to chronic pain therapy. Polyvagal theory is the science of feeling safe, and it’s based on decades of research by Dr. Stephen Porges, who pioneered research into the autonomic nervous system and its relationship with emotions.
Christine and Les discussing the groundbreaking The Polyvagal Theory
It Always Seems Impossible…Until It’s Done
Nelson Mandela
Summary
Do you have Chronic Pain? Ready for Pain Recovery? This episode is for YOU!
We have a special guest today—Dr. Les Aria, a Pain Psychologist who specializes in helping people recover from chronic pain. Today, he’ll explain what polyvagal theory is and how it can help you feel safe when you’re dealing with chronic pain.
This week’s episode, Part One, on polyvagal theory and its application to chronic pain therapy. Polyvagal theory is the science of feeling safe, and it’s based on decades of research by Dr. Stephen Porges, who pioneered research into the autonomic nervous system and its relationship with emotions.
A Mental Health Healthcare Practitioner who got Coronavirus in April 2020 which changed the course of my life. I created How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast as a love letter to humanity. Having Long Covid symptoms, a failing marriage, fear, burnout from healthcare, frustration were launching points to my self-healing. All the answers we are seeking are within. No one is going to save you but yourself through self-healing and unwinding your childhood programming conditions.
episode 43: the chord (How My Dad's Death Was A Gift To My Healing)
When my dad died, a toxic limb was severed from my body. It was startling when the detective called to tell me my Dad was dead. I no longer had to endure my father's dysfunctional behaviors. He was dead. So now what?
In this episode, I share epiphanies about my dad’s death being a gift to my healing and the unconditional love I gave him directly before he died despite the hurt he caused me in childhood.
My father’s death gave me unspeakable freedom and release. His death created a deeper pathway to my inner worthiness.
My father’s death led me to discover my mother is a narcissist. How? Because his chaotic behaviors were no longer in the picture or a distraction.
A fog had lifted. I could see my mother's abuse clearly now.
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This episode is sponsored by Uphealing Mental Healthcare.
Uphealing Mental Healthcare is a telehealth service in the Dallas / Fort Worth, providing psychiatric treatment with medication management and therapy.
Visit uphealing.org for more information. http://uphealing.org
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Connect with Christine for Mental Health Discussions and Tools for Recovery:
https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com
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Check out Christine's other podcast with her sister The Family Burrito
Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast
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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message
Listen to episode 33 about boundaries. Boundaries = Self-Love
Summary
Were you taught it’s ok to say “No” in childhood? Were you taught it’s ok to speak up for your needs? Neither was I.
Teaching myself how to set boundaries is a work in progress. My narcissistic mother crossing my boundary for the last time was my key to emotional freedom and authentic worthiness.
In this solo episode, I cover all things boundaries.
Rule of Thumb: Those who react the loudest when a boundary is set is evidence the boundary was needed in the first place(read this again).
Topics Covered:
What is a boundary?
Why boundaries are important to your well-being
4 types of boundaries
Signs a boundary is crossed
How to set a boundary
My personal examples and emotional impact when I didn’t set boundaries
Watch the response of Belinda’s Mother after expressing how her Mother’s abandonment impacted her childhood. Belinda’s response back to her Mother’s disappointing reaction is not to be missed! Bravo Belinda!
Summary Hearing the N-Word my entire life was a trauma for me. Witnessing injustice frequently impacted my childhood. Injustice was a trauma for me. Today’s episode is about my experience with being raised by a Racist White Alcoholic Father. How my Father not only said the N-Word but would describe a group of people as subhuman.…
How I Learned to Stop Believing My Story and Started Living Mine We all have a story. An untrue story we’ve been telling ourselves since childhood—an inaccurate story created by the broken people who raised us. Our Parents. A Narcissistic Mother and an Alcoholic, Racist Father built my story. These two broken people created my…
Summary This Episode is about JOURNALING and GRATITUDE – How Journaling has helped me understand myself. When you start your day by Writing 5 Things you are Grateful for, YOU start with Love for Yourself. Starting off with Gratitude releases Oxytocin, the Love Hormone, LOVE FOR YOURSELF. Listen as I am shifting through my past…
Why Witnessing Injustice on a Daily Basis was Necessary for My Purpose and Calling
By: Christine Zethraus, PMHNP-BC
Christine (7th grade) and Charlie (Dad). He picked me up in Fort Worth, TX after my mother kicked me out. I was on my way to Georgia to live with him for a year. Boy oh Boy…what a year that was!
Growing Up….
Growing up and being raised partly by a loud, obnoxious, alcoholic, drug fueled, racist father was draining. I am a lover by nature so having a parent who was the extreme opposite of myself was challenging to say the least. My father and I were polar opposites in our approach to life. He was harsh, crass, vulgar, and forceful. I am pensive, reflective, laid back, and try to see things from many perspectives.
I ask a lot of questions. I crave truth and seek the other side of the story. My father made a lot of assumptions about others. And built his stubborn house there.
Beginning of My Gratitude for my Racist Father…
Now, don’t get me wrong. I can be loud, relentless, in your face, challenging, and forceful when it comes to unfair treatment of others. This is where my gratitude for my racist father begins. He taught me sometimes IT IS necessary to get loud when you are fighting for what you believe in. It is necessary to be vocally forceful. Sometimes your approach is needs to be challenging and drain others I suppose.
Unfortunately, I can also have these same qualities when I feel personally betrayed in romantic relationships…ugh.
That story for another time. (hint: daddy issues)
Hearing the N-Word was Essential in my Childhood…
Hearing my Father say the N-Word constantly was absolutely necessary to my upbringing. Watching my father scream racist remarks to folks minding their own business driving by was imperative. Observing violence and constantly feeling fear in my Father’s presence was essential to my childhood. Being afraid of the person, parent, father figure, family member who looked like me was fundamental.
My Purpose in this Life…
Why in the world would I ever say such a thing? Why would I say my Father’s violent behaviors and racist mindset were an essential part of my childhood?
Because………
I would never have cared about any other issues outside of my own race, culture, economic status, education, and upbringing had I not experienced my racist Father’s wrath of misguided hate towards others. Along with his misguided hate towards me at times. Being front lines to daily injustice shaped who I am. Shaped my mission in this world.
I had to physically feel injustice. I had to emotionally feel injustice. I had to intellectually feel injustice. I had to encompass the enormity of all sides of to care, ask questions, reflect about the Injustices of different races, cultures, economic statuses, education and healthcare disparities. I HAD to experience, witness, feel the hate and fear of it all in order for ME to see the multiple sides of the injustice coin.
And now……
I find solutions by seeking other’s truth, ask questions, and do my best to see it all from many perspectives.
A boundary is direct communication about what YOU need, what YOUR limits are, what your willing to do or not do, tells the other what you’re thinking or feeling, provides space between yourself and the other, and gives clear expectations.
We think people can read our minds. We think people should know how we are feeling or what we are thinking. We think people should know when we need help. We think people should know that thing they did was wrong. We think people should know when they hurt our feelings.
They don’t. Most of the time they are unaware. Or they feel so guilty they don’t want to face it.
Boundaries create safety for everyone involved. Boundaries are love for yourself. Boundaries are love for the other.
Boundaries are Important for Self Love
Below are 6 Reasons Why it’s Important to Set Boundaries:
Protects your emotional and physical energy: You can’t give to others if you haven’t given to yourself first, otherwise, it’s called judgement. Boundaries protects your precious emotional and physical energy. You then help from a place of love when you put yourself first before helping others.
Avoids Future Conflicts and Resentment: Being direct with a simple statement about what you need or what your boundary is, helps the other person on the receiving end. Supports healthy communication.
Allows you to define your emotional and physical space: This is a BIG one for me. I need lots of alone time. I need lots of space after working a full day in a mental health setting. I need quiet with little interruption. Everyone deserves peace. Telling others you need time alone is SUPER important to your well-being.
Makes your Relationships Last Longer: Setting boundaries creates space for deeper connection. Boundaries tell your partner what you need instead of a guessing miscommunication game.
Allows you to Practice Self-Respect: Most of us were not taught to set boundaries in childhood. Most of us were not taught it’s ok to say NO. Most of us were raised by broken or emotionally immature people. Boundaries tells our brain we are safe. Our brain needs this because it thinks we still need protection from childhood.
Enables you to set reasonable consequences for violating your space: YOU define your own consequence. NO ONE gets a say so on the importance of your space. Not your mother. Not your father. Not your partner. Not your child. And certainly not society or your religious upbringing.
6 Reasons Why Boundaries Are Important
Reminder: Those who react the loudest to the boundary, is reinforcement the boundary was needed in the first place.
Check out my latest podcast episode where Belinda and I discuss importance of boundaries in toxic families:
