mental health, podcast

6 Reasons Why It’s Important To Set Boundaries

Why it’s Important to Your Mental Well-Being

What is a Boundary?

A boundary is direct communication about what YOU need, what YOUR limits are, what your willing to do or not do, tells the other what you’re thinking or feeling, provides space between yourself and the other, and gives clear expectations.

We think people can read our minds. We think people should know how we are feeling or what we are thinking. We think people should know when we need help. We think people should know that thing they did was wrong. We think people should know when they hurt our feelings.

They don’t. Most of the time they are unaware. Or they feel so guilty they don’t want to face it.

Boundaries create safety for everyone involved. Boundaries are love for yourself. Boundaries are love for the other.

graphic showing importance of self love
Boundaries are Important for Self Love

Below are 6 Reasons Why it’s Important to Set Boundaries:

  1. Protects your emotional and physical energy: You can’t give to others if you haven’t given to yourself first, otherwise, it’s called judgement. Boundaries protects your precious emotional and physical energy. You then help from a place of love when you put yourself first before helping others.
  2. Avoids Future Conflicts and Resentment: Being direct with a simple statement about what you need or what your boundary is, helps the other person on the receiving end. Supports healthy communication.
  3. Allows you to define your emotional and physical space: This is a BIG one for me. I need lots of alone time. I need lots of space after working a full day in a mental health setting. I need quiet with little interruption. Everyone deserves peace. Telling others you need time alone is SUPER important to your well-being.
  4. Makes your Relationships Last Longer: Setting boundaries creates space for deeper connection. Boundaries tell your partner what you need instead of a guessing miscommunication game.
  5. Allows you to Practice Self-Respect: Most of us were not taught to set boundaries in childhood. Most of us were not taught it’s ok to say NO. Most of us were raised by broken or emotionally immature people. Boundaries tells our brain we are safe. Our brain needs this because it thinks we still need protection from childhood.
  6. Enables you to set reasonable consequences for violating your space: YOU define your own consequence. NO ONE gets a say so on the importance of your space. Not your mother. Not your father. Not your partner. Not your child. And certainly not society or your religious upbringing.
Infographic on why it's important to set boundaries
6 Reasons Why Boundaries Are Important

Reminder: Those who react the loudest to the boundary, is reinforcement the boundary was needed in the first place.


Check out my latest podcast episode where Belinda and I discuss importance of boundaries in toxic families:

Picture of Christine and Sofia
conversation

episode 32: the warrior (Teaching Yourself How to Parent with Belinda Tyner)

Picture of Christine and Sofia
Daughter Sofia and I figuring out this parent thing together

Summary

How do you teach yourself to parent when you were raised by a broken emotionally immature mother? Then throw in society’s illusion of motherhood where it is expected mothers are born nurturers who saves everyone with a unrealistic superwomen mentality. What happens to your self-esteem when your mother was none of these misguided societal illusions?  (hint: unworthiness)

In this episode I speak with Belinda Tyner, an Adult Geriatric Nurse Practitioner about her journey of becoming a warrior while teaching herself how to parent through the challenges of raising a child with ADHD. 

Topics Discussed

  • The illusions of motherhood
  • Teaching yourself how to parent 
  • Meeting your child’s needs where their at
  • Conditioning of the Superwoman Syndrome
  • Asking yourself “what do I need?”
  • Being raised by parents in survival mode
  • Importance of praising a child with ADHD during the good moments
  • Importance of ADHD diagnosis ASAP
  • Being tired of doing it all

ADHD and Parenting Resources: 

The Whole Brain Child BookLD@school National Institute of Mental Health

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world!

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

episode 27: the bully (Conversation with Advocate for Bullied Children, Author and Blogger Cherie White) — How Corona Virus Saved My Life Podcast

https://anchor.fm/s/5055ba2c/podcast/rss Summary This week I had a conversation with my new friend, blogger and author Cherie White, who is an …

episode 27: the bully (Conversation with Advocate for Bullied Children, Author and Blogger Cherie White) — How Corona Virus Saved My Life Podcast
Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

Sharing your Adversities = Power

People who share their story of
overcoming adversity is my jam.

Why?

Because shame no longer has power.
Fear of judgement no longer has power.
Apologizing for your truth no longer has power.
The illusions of your childhood conditioning no longer
has power.

Are you ready to step into YOUR POWER?

episode 31: the adversity

Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

episode 2: the crumble

My former husband, my prom date
My prom date, my former husband

Summary

Coming out of quarantine only to realize my marriage was over. One of the most devastating parts of my journey.  

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world!

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

mental health, mental health, podcast, self help

episode 1: the fear

A picture of me several days before I got Coronavirus in April 2020
Me at work days before my Coronavirus journey started

Summary

The beginning of my coronavirus journey which leads to unexpected discoveries within. A pivotal moment in my backyard when I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breath. My brain told me I needed to call 911 or was I was going to die. My gut told me if I called 911 I would die because I believed it. This was the moment I decided to listen to my gut which forever changed the course of my life. 

Listen to my bizarre coronavirus and long-covid symptoms which happened in parts–cramped hands, excruciating headaches, numbness and tingling in my hands and feet, covid toe, brain fog, dry mouth, weird tongues, etc.  

Resources: 

Vagus nerve info

The Vagus Nerve: your secret weapon to in fighting stress 

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world!

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

Chris Allen and Christine
black mental health, community, conversation, mental health, podcast

episode 31: the adversity (Healing Cycles of Abuse with Chris Allen)

Christine and Chris

Summary

What does the word adversity mean to you? Chris Allen is the definition of overcoming adversity. 

A powerful follow up conversation with my new friend Chris Allen. His honesty, vulnerability, transparency, and directness about his difficult childhood filled with abuse and chaos inspires me to be more vulnerable and transparent about my own story.

Chris and I tell discuss losing our virginity at a young age, Chris’s former approach to sex and intimacy before meeting his beautiful wife, and his father’s suspicious suicide. And the weird thing Chris and I have in common! Find out the ONE question Chris COULD NOT answer at the end.

Listen to our first conversation episode 28: the reframe

Topics discussed: 

  • Codependency
  • Perfectionism
  • PTSD
  • anxiety, imposter syndrome 
  • toxic friends

Chris Allen is the CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Father, Husband, and more!

Listen, Download, and Share Christine’s Podcast:How Coronavirus Saved My Life

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Youtube | FB 

Check out Christine’s podcast with her sisterThe Family Burrito

Big hugs to all the listeners! My little podcast to help the world heal is starting to reach the ears and hearts of people around the world! 

Disclaimer: The information and recommendations in this Podcast are only opinions of the host and guests of How Coronavirus Saved My Life Podcast — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

Transcription

conversation, culture, divorce, mental health, podcast, self help

episode 29: the path (My Bold Conversation with The Path Podcast Host and Speaker-Coach Arlene Bolden-Korleh)

Summary

What if your path was planned since you were a little girl? What if you had a path of getting married, having children, a successful job, and living happily ever? What if your path changed without warning instantly crushing your hopes and dreams? 

My bold conversation with Arlene Bolden-Korleh about her unexpected journey of her path to divorce is honest, thoughtful, and enlightening.

Arlene’s podcast, The Path, eloquently describes itself as our “survival guide of BOLD sisters whose hopes & dreams takes a detour – forcing disappointments – to turning obstacles into opportunities.” Arlene turning her pain and disappointment into a passion to help other women is truly inspiring.

Arlene Bolden-Korleh is the creator and podcast host of The Path. Arlene is a Certified Speaker-Coach, and Consultant for the John Maxwell Team. She is a Motivator, Confidence Builder, The One Who Believes Purpose Is Bigger than obstacles!

Arlene’s Resources: 

Listen to Arlene’s podcast The Path here on Apple Podcast. The Path Podcast here on Buzzsprout. 

Listen to Arlene interview me about my coronavirus journey, my dysfunctional childhood, and how my racist alcoholic father impacted my own  path. Arlene asked me the uncomfortable questions this time. 

Connect with Arlene on Instagram | Twitter | FB

Email Arlene at thepath4ward@gmail.com if you have a BOLD story to tell on her podcast 

Christine’s Resources:  

Thank You to all the listeners for giving this podcast healing wings! I am forever grateful.

Connect with Christine onTwitter | Instagram | Blog | Facebook | Youtube 

Check out The Family Burritopodcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message

https://howcoronavirussavedmylife.com/2022/03/30/episode-23-the-stigma-solutions-to-mental-health-stigma-in-the-black-community-a-panel-discussion/

how coronavirus saved my life episode 28 the reframe
black mental health, community, conversation, culture, mental health, Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus, Society

episode 28: the reframe (Conversation with CEO Chris Allen about his Journey of Reframing Society’s Conditioned View of Male Strength)

Summary

This episode left me speechless. It is not often I meet someone who’s childhood has similarities to mine. Much less someone who is as direct and transparent about the value of having a traumatic childhood , how reframing our conditioned perspective of our painful past is where your power lies and shows our true purpose.

My honest no-holds-barred conversation with Chris Allen, CEO & Co-Founder of Advanced Computing and Technology, Athlete, Father, Husband, former prisoner turned Advocate, about his Journey of Reframing Conditioned Views of Male Strength is a game changer. How beautiful for two people who barely know one another to instantly trust & feel safe in sharing their dysfunctional childhood resulting in seeking love in toxic relationships, multiple sex partners, and choices altering our destiny forever. 

Society tells us that men should be “strong”, the head of the family, the one that we can lean on, the one who has all the answers, the one who won’t hurt you, the one who will rescue you. Then women, such as myself, become disappointed when men do not live up to this misguided societal conditioning.

The purpose of today’s episode is to start reframing our misguided conditioned beliefs about male strength.

Thank You Chris Allen for trusting the listeners with your story. Thank you for being honest about your own mistakes you made in past relationships. Thank you Chris for being vulnerable. You are a role model in male vulnerability. 

Chris Allen is a role model in Male Vulnerability. Male Vulnerability is the VERY definition of Male Strength.

Thank You to all the listeners for giving this podcast healing wings! I am forever grateful. 

Connect with Christine on Twitter | Instagram | Blog | Facebook | Youtube 

Check out The Family Burrito podcast Christine makes with her sister Jessie  — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/message


Check out episode 27: the bully with Blogger Cherie White

https://anchor.fm/howcoronavirussavedmylife/episodes/episode-27-the-bully-Conversation-with-Advocate-for-Bullied-Children–Author-and-Blogger-Cherie-White-e1hie5v

community, forgiveness, mental health, Personal, Podcast, Racism, Mental Health, Coronavirus

7 Ways to Choose Forgiveness

Why Deciding to Forgive is a Choice You Won’t Regret

7 Easy Ways to Choose Forgiveness

Waiting for that apology…

Waiting for that apology or “thing” you believe you need before you can forgive and finally move forward is giving up your control. I waited years for my mother to apologize for her emotional abuse and manipulation. Shocker! She did apologize after my brother died…only to begin her abuse again a few years later. Choosing to forgive is about YOU. The likelihood of that “perfect” moment you can forgive you have in your mind will never happen. Even if it did, you’ll still feel incomplete.

Questioning the Incomplete Feeling after an Apology

Why would I feel Incomplete after an Apology?

Because no matter how someone explains it, it still hurts. It still does not quite feel right. It still does not justify it. It is simply an external validation giving a false belief to the hurt. A temporary moment that leaves you questioning why you still feel awful, why didn’t the pain go away, or maybe I am a terrible overly sensitive person who just can’t get it together.

Here is My List of 7 Ways I Choose Forgiveness:

1. Write a Letter to Yourself or the Person

Writing a letter to the person you need to forgive is super therapeutic. You don’t need to mail it either. Don’t know where to start? Make a list of the feelings you need to release towards the person then reframe the sentence as “I forgive you Dad for not being emotionally available to me or my needs as a child”. 

2. Create Your Own Closure

Closure is Letting Go. Closure is Moving Forward. Talk to trusted people and process how you feel. Walk with it and have gratitude for how the situation made you stronger or more connected to others. 

3. Find the Meaning

Was there a lesson somewhere? Did the situation lead you to something greater? Ask the Universe to show you the meaning if you’re not sure. 

My own personal meaning for my dysfunctional childhood it to help others heal

4. See a Different Viewpoint 

We make assumptions that we have all the facts. When 99% of the time we actually don’t. People who hurt us are people who are hurting themselves. 

5. Forgiveness is Yours, not theirs

 Your choice to forgive someone has nothing to do with that person. In fact, it’s none of their business. Unless you choose to make it so.

6. Become Curious

Becoming curious about why someone would hurt you help take the emotion out of it. Look at the person’s life and how they possibly ended up where they are Or why they did the hurtful thing they did.

 7. Release the “Thing”

Release and accept the thing that you are wanting or feel you need in order to forgive—Will never happen perfectly. Sometimes I write a release mantra and say it out loud several times. It’s pretty powerful. 

With all this being said….are YOU ready to CHOOSE Forgiveness?

2022 black history month blackmentalhealth boundaries bullies burnout Childhood chronic pain chronicpain conversation coronavirus covid daughter embrace family Father healing healthcare human design journey longcovid manipulation Mental Health mindbodyconnection mother motherhood mother] narcissist nurse nursepractitioner nursing parenting Podcast polyvagaltheory psychology purpose racism relationships selfcare selfhelp selflove Spirituality trauma Universe worthiness