Before getting Coronavirus back in April 2020, I had already disabled most of my social medica accounts. Working in Mental Health caused me to be super sensitive to drama. Facebook was the worst with all the political noise. After getting Coronavirus, I completely stopped watching T.V. More unnecessary noise I did not want seeping into my subconscious.
Nature became my T.V. I started paying attention to animals crossing my path, birds flying over me, and find a feather when I needed one the most. The clouds in the sky became my news source. One Friday evening I was pulling out of my neighborhood when I saw the Angel in the sky. Took my breathe away.
Around this time is when I began learning about Quantum Physics. The Universe is infinitely made up of energy. Your thoughts create your reality. The human egoic brain has difficulty “seeing” this energy magically waiting for us.
All the answer we are seeking are within. The Universe and Nature have messages for us. If only we would lookup….
“Those who don’t believe in Magic will never find it”
Yesterday, I felt my dead racist Grandmother was summoning me to visit her grave.
One of those gut following kind of things. I had never visited her grave all these years she’s been dead. She is buried not far from my house in a grave next to my Uncle.
When I was a kid she would tell me things like I was not allowed to swim with black people because it was “like bathing with them”. She viewed black Americans as animals.
She was horrible to everyone in general.
Her racism, along with other family members, is most likely the reason I have always been drawn to non-white cultures and ethnicities.
My Grandmother was physically beautiful. Classic 1950s movie star look with perfectly curled hair from rollers. Skin always shiny. Obsessed with her weight. She had a great sense of fashion. In fact, she owned a popular dress shop back in the day.
There was little beauty on the inside. Masculine and tough to the core.
During my 20 min drive I kept wondering why she wanted to be buried in this particular cemetery. And here it was. My answer.
She wanted to be buried with her hatred
She had so much hatred in her racist heart.
When she died years ago, she almost died alone with no family until I decided, with help of my friend, to be there with her. She died within minutes of me arriving.
Visiting her cemetery and seeing this marker caused many emotions to come flooding back. Emotions buried so deeply of her abuse to myself and others.
I am grateful I followed my gut. Why? Because I released all that buried anger, hurt, and confusion. I have been storing and repressing those emotions deep in my body and soul.
Now I can move on. Now I can help myself and others heal.
I am so happy to have so many beautiful people in my life with huge hearts.
Today’s episode Christine has a deep conversation with her friend Sandra. They talk about the topic of Colorism, the ingrained assumption of “Light Good, Black Bad” from slavery and how the light skin privilege only went so far.
The times of slavery when light skin and dark skin people being separated.
Sandra discusses the Clark Doll Experimentwhere dolls of different shades are shown to black children asking questions if which doll was good, bad, or preferred.
Christine discusses her own family genealogy of owing slaves.
Sandra discusses her daughter dating white men, her daughter experiencing racism at an Asian dance club, and why it bothers Sandra that her daughter does not want to date black men.
Topic of a few African Americans being antiblack, the illusion of black people aren’t marginalized.
Diversity in the workplace, different experiences, and being short sighted.
Christine’s own previous assumptions of black people all being in the fight together.
Racism and divide between Africans and African-Americans, African men’s view of black men being lazy and African men’s assumption of African American women when dating.
A powerful conversation about black women’s feelings about black men dating white women, the “shortage of black men” on their level, and the feeling of betrayal.
Christine discusses why she predominantly dates African American males, her theme of not feeling protected in childhood, and how black represents protection to her.
The pedestals of race, placing attributes onto a group of people, finding worthiness in a partner instead of inside yourself.
The black man struggles with getting jobs, career advancement which affects being head of household. Black women getting a job over a black man because of the assumption of being threatening.
Solutions to the assumptions ingrained in the black experience which starts with healing yourself then networking together.