Hearing the N-Word my entire life was a trauma for me. Witnessing injustice frequently impacted my childhood. Injustice was a trauma for me.
Today’s episode is about my experience with being raised by a Racist White Alcoholic Father.
How my Father not only said the N-Word but would describe a group of people as subhuman. Connecting the dots with how my father became racist and how his racism has led to my soul’s calling.
How my racist grandmother would not let me swim with black people.
Why I have always been drawn to other cultures.
And the surprising time I felt love and safety for the first time at 14 years old.
Thank you for listening. My hope is for others to find ways to heal through my journey.
A narcissist is someone who has a grandiose sense of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. Oftentimes they can be controlling, manipulative and demanding. They also lack conscience and guilt which makes it very easy for them to hurt others without feeling remorseful or guilty about what they have done or said to harm another person.
Now imagine this person is your Mother.
(7TH GRADE) My Father picking me up from my Mom’s after she kicked me out of the house.
The Effects of a Narcissistic Mother
The effects of being raised by a narcissistic mother are profound.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother made it very difficult for me to trust anyone, especially men, I never knew if they would hurt me or not. I was constantly looking at every aspect of their behavior trying to determine if they were good or bad people so that way I could protect myself from further harm but this became exhausting after a while because there was no way I could.
Not to mention the constant need for external validation.
A young me at the beginning of a life full of manipulation and gaslighting.
Abnormal Parenting
It wasn’t until years later that I realized this kind of parenting wasn’t normal; it wasn’t how other moms treated their kids. It didn’t seem strange at the time because I had no point of reference; my mother was just “the way she was.”
But when you grow up with a narcissistic parent, it can be extremely confusing and painful — especially when you don’t even know that your parent has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
It took me years to realize that there was something wrong with this situation; it wasn’t just me making things up in my head or overreacting to things that weren’t really happening at all…it wasMy Narcissistic Mother.
She is the person who will remind you of your mistakes and shortcomings every chance she gets. She will create stories that portray you as a terrible person, a burden on society, and a waste of space. She will make sure everyone knows you are a disappointment, especially if they have something she wants or needs from them.
Meet Your Narcissistic Mother
She has no empathy for others; in fact, she feels superior to most people in her life. She cannot feel remorse over anything she has done wrong or hurtful things she has said. She expects everyone to meet her high expectations without question, but never does anything herself because it is beneath her.
Your Narcissistic Mother does not like anything about you; everything that makes up who you are is wrong in her eyes.
Being raised by a narcissistic mother is a form of emotional abuse that can have a devastating effect on the child’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Narcissistic mothers are often very good at creating an illusion of being wonderful parents. They are often charming, charismatic and superficially seem to be loving and attentive. The reality is that they lack empathy for their children and only care about their own needs, feelings and desires. HELLO GUILT TRIPS!
Stay Tuned for Part Threeof What It’s Like Being Raised by a Narcissistic Mother. *HINT: EXHAUSTING
I’ll provide examples galore of her subtle manipulation.
My hope is for others to heal by sharing my story. You deserve peace. You are worthy.
Listen to episode 33 about boundaries. Boundaries = Self-Love
Summary
Were you taught it’s ok to say “No” in childhood? Were you taught it’s ok to speak up for your needs? Neither was I.
Teaching myself how to set boundaries is a work in progress. My narcissistic mother crossing my boundary for the last time was my key to emotional freedom and authentic worthiness.
In this solo episode, I cover all things boundaries.
Rule of Thumb: Those who react the loudest when a boundary is set is evidence the boundary was needed in the first place(read this again).
Topics Covered:
What is a boundary?
Why boundaries are important to your well-being
4 types of boundaries
Signs a boundary is crossed
How to set a boundary
My personal examples and emotional impact when I didn’t set boundaries
Why Witnessing Injustice on a Daily Basis was Necessary for My Purpose and Calling
By: Christine Zethraus, PMHNP-BC
Christine (7th grade) and Charlie (Dad). He picked me up in Fort Worth, TX after my mother kicked me out. I was on my way to Georgia to live with him for a year. Boy oh Boy…what a year that was!
Growing Up….
Growing up and being raised partly by a loud, obnoxious, alcoholic, drug fueled, racist father was draining. I am a lover by nature so having a parent who was the extreme opposite of myself was challenging to say the least. My father and I were polar opposites in our approach to life. He was harsh, crass, vulgar, and forceful. I am pensive, reflective, laid back, and try to see things from many perspectives.
I ask a lot of questions. I crave truth and seek the other side of the story. My father made a lot of assumptions about others. And built his stubborn house there.
Beginning of My Gratitude for my Racist Father…
Now, don’t get me wrong. I can be loud, relentless, in your face, challenging, and forceful when it comes to unfair treatment of others. This is where my gratitude for my racist father begins. He taught me sometimes IT IS necessary to get loud when you are fighting for what you believe in. It is necessary to be vocally forceful. Sometimes your approach is needs to be challenging and drain others I suppose.
Unfortunately, I can also have these same qualities when I feel personally betrayed in romantic relationships…ugh.
That story for another time. (hint: daddy issues)
Hearing the N-Word was Essential in my Childhood…
Hearing my Father say the N-Word constantly was absolutely necessary to my upbringing. Watching my father scream racist remarks to folks minding their own business driving by was imperative. Observing violence and constantly feeling fear in my Father’s presence was essential to my childhood. Being afraid of the person, parent, father figure, family member who looked like me was fundamental.
My Purpose in this Life…
Why in the world would I ever say such a thing? Why would I say my Father’s violent behaviors and racist mindset were an essential part of my childhood?
Because………
I would never have cared about any other issues outside of my own race, culture, economic status, education, and upbringing had I not experienced my racist Father’s wrath of misguided hate towards others. Along with his misguided hate towards me at times. Being front lines to daily injustice shaped who I am. Shaped my mission in this world.
I had to physically feel injustice. I had to emotionally feel injustice. I had to intellectually feel injustice. I had to encompass the enormity of all sides of to care, ask questions, reflect about the Injustices of different races, cultures, economic statuses, education and healthcare disparities. I HAD to experience, witness, feel the hate and fear of it all in order for ME to see the multiple sides of the injustice coin.
And now……
I find solutions by seeking other’s truth, ask questions, and do my best to see it all from many perspectives.
